Thursday, June 18, 2009

Close of yet another Chapter

What marks the beginning or end of a life's chapter? We would all agree it would be a change in something very significant in your life that changes your outlook towards life, changes your lifestyle, teaches you an important life lesson etc. Basically some significant change. It is funny how often we associate change in location to a beginning or close of a chapter.

I have been fortunate enough to have experienced this change many times already. Fortunate(?) to move, settle, move again, settle again you may ask. Moving means setting up a home, getting used to the new locality, going through the pain of packing/unpacking, basically starting from scratch each time, getting used to the weather, making new friends, being lonely at times. Yes! Every change comes with some uneasiness, some apprehensions, some pain.

But it also brings along lovely memories you keep for life, a rare chance to find a family amidst strangers, situations where you feel insecure and lost but come out strong in the end thus strengthening your faith in God, learning your own capabilities, rich experiences that you would otherwise not have. For me it was all of this and more; each time - but this time I am more aware of the gains than before.

Last week I moved out of Chicago to come and work in SFO area where my husband also lives. We had been away for almost an year because of work - recession had struck and we were caught. It was the most agonizing time of my life specially because we were staying away from each other. We had postponed our happiness till we got together. We will do this, do that, have fun, cook good food, have fun trips, party, engage ourselves with something, anything and everything - after we get together we thought. One month, two, three but nothing changed. Only thing that changed was the extent of grief, blame, cribbing and crying.

We both knew this will not last forever, but we were too eager to make things happen the way we want. And when things did not go the way we want, there was only pain - more arguments, self torture. But by God's grace we had each other. It was not the end of the world we used to tell each other. Things will change, for good. Don't allow the situation to get to you. Navin was working like crazy and barely had the time or the energy to feel the pinch. In one way, that helped.

Why are we here, why do we have to live like this? We were neither saving money nor living together. Why stay away from family, in some unknown place? What are we gaining? Such questions bothered too. But wait a minute... what was the guarantee that we would be happy when we were together? Now we were waiting for living together, later we would be waiting for something else. These were some important lessons we learned in this special chapter. We soon realized how our minds play with us. Any bad thought and we tried to reason it out with a positive thought. Of course this strategy did not work each time but now we were more aware. Faith that whatever happens, happens for good kept us going. Other times, we had each other to talk us through the negative feelings.

Why did we have to live separate?
Our reasoning - While I was in Chicago, I was able to help many people who were in bad situations. Would they have not got help if I was not there? Of course they would. But it gave me the opportunity to be there for someone and give them a sense of relief when it mattered the most. I would never have been able to do that if I was not in Chicago at those times.

Why are we spending so much money on travel, stay and everything else? When will we put an end to this?
Our Reasoning - Be happy that we are not spending on reasons of bad health or anything bad. There are so many people who go through so much pain. Expenditure is the not the worst thing in that comparison. Be happy that we are not compromising on meeting each other whenever possible.

You do your best to help others, but when you need any help, people turn their back or are too busy to feel for you.
Our Reasoning - So what? Feel sorry for them because they are missing a golden opportunity to help. Now you know whom you can depend and whom you cannot. Everyone has their own priority in life; respect that. Ask for help when you want some, but don't expect anything from others. Thank those who behave wrong, because you are learning something new at their expense.

It is strange but true. Last 9 months have been the most precious time of my life. I learned meditation; this largely contributed to calm me most of the times. I started blogging more often; though I don't know if people even read my blogs, I feel happy to be able to pen down and keep up with one of my resolutions. Navin and I spent less time than usual together but that meant we were more eager to meet each other than before. We valued the little time that we did have. I joined the Art of Living group in Chicago where I met more people than I would have ever met in my lifetime.

Why me? Why me? Why me?
Our Reasoning - Why not you? You are God's chosen one :P :)

1 comment:

Gauri said...

Hey Shreya,

I love reading your blogs, they are so straight from heart and not glorified by hi-fi diction.
This paticulat blog is one of my fav. as i have been thru similar situationa nd could relate to it completly.

Keep mediatating and keep writing!!!!!!!!!

Love u always