One thing I have come to realize is that, it is not easy. It is not easy to stay on a daily routine. It takes a lot of effort to stay positive and 'on path' to spiritual awakening. Not surprising, that not everyone takes to the path of meditation or yoga.
I believe, I have shifted my energy in a more positive direction in the last 2 months or so. But I still at times feel anxious, despaired of life and struggle to find answers to my troubled mind. I even question the presence of God. Most of the time, it happens when I want to give up. Mind and body cannot keep pace with the changes in conscious.
God! One day I said to myself, is only my imagination. Well, I say this in my times of despair. I meditate, I pray and I keep Him alive in my thoughts. My actions become a service to the most powerful. But it takes lot of courage and strength to do that. Of what good is it to me as I sit here meditating and being one with the space around me? Quietening my mind which is the toughest of all and seeking strength from the source?
I look around and see all the people around me, happy and celebrating. Even if they don't bend their knees in prayers, they seem to be doing pretty good. Enjoying and full filled.
Then why do I need to go through the grind?
Every time the answer to this question for me has been - because there is something bigger than you waiting to be known. There is an energy to be part of which you've not experienced. There are hearts to touch and love to give. You are living this life for a purpose and need to find that out. There will be ups and downs in life. To live is not to chase those fulfilling moments and dodge the lows. Those will happen no matter how hard you try or don't.
I've lived for 30+ years and nearing half the average life expectancy of human life. If I live 30 more, what do I want to do in those years? Just knowing that there is a bigger purpose in life, takes me back to the grind. Actually, I think its the other way round. Going back to the grind makes me realize that there is more to life than what I know.