I have been doing my personal search and learning of consciousness mainly through meditation and reading and following posts from people who I believe have a common purpose. I feel my desire to learn or explore the 'truth' as they say in spirituality, leads me to useful sources. Sources, those at the moment, help to answer my questions. I don't know what is right and what is not. But I trust intuition and my gut feeling that leads me to a satisfying place at the time.
As I was reading the book Nine Lives: In Search of the Sacred in Modern India, I was amazed by the varied belief system and thought process of people who they believe are so close to God. What is God to them? Why do I not see those Gods that they do? Are they happy in life because of their faith or because of something else? Then they are sad too, so why are they sad?
I am learning that we are responsible for our own experiences whether good or bad. When things go wrong, we like to find someone to blame it on, and God seems an easy way. But why would God want us pain or suffering. Because we may have done something bad so this is our punishment or old bad karma? But who decides good or bad? Then we plan on bribing God or make him happy using drills we have known from childhood. These explanations does not make sense to me. So I keep looking for answers.
When I am meditating, I can get to a state where a thought about anything becomes painfully energy draining and so it feels great to be void of any. Where does my grudge or my reasons to feel bad for myself, or the bad memories go at that time? Same, when say I am enjoying an evening with my friends? Or I am reading a book of my interest. So, it means that I am no longer in pain for any reason at those times. Mostly, these 'bad' feelings come in when I am idle and have no better things to do. But knowing that I can be in a state of no thought and so of no pain is revolutionary. It means that with focus, and that is with intention I can choose to have no thoughts. But how can we be with no thoughts all the time? But at least it clarifies one thing, and the most important thing. And that is pain or unhappiness is linked to my thoughts. Of course, it also means, happiness is linked to my thoughts. Basically, feelings and emotions are. So this means that happiness or sadness are my choosing.
I came across Abraham Ester Hicks videos where super beings talk to Ester Hicks. They talk about being in the vibrational vortex and the universal law of attraction. The theory is that, we are all vibrations, including our thoughts. Whatever we desire, the universe is waiting to give it to us. There are no exceptions. We however need to be in our vibrational vortex to receive what is given. Basically, it is the feeling-good space.
I read her book called 'Ask and it is Given'. In her book there are many techniques explaining how the law of attraction can be used to fulfill your desires.
Our subconscious makes up 85% or our total mind power. Very little as 15% is conscious. What does this mean? Say we pick a glass of water. The focus to pick the glass is conscious. But which muscle to contract and how to move fingers is subconscious. Our subconscious is continuously learning from our tiny conscious and is controlling our life so to say. What I felt going through the book was that the techniques were mainly how to be conscious and deliberate in choosing thoughts which thus affect the subconscious. Most of the time, just thinking about what you want does not work effectively. You need to communicate this to the subconscious in a way that it understands and remembers.
I try to be conscious and aware of what I am thinking throughout the day. But many times thoughts involuntarily bring feeling of pain, jealousy and fear. As soon as I realize I am doing that, I think of something else. It is a continuous deliberate process. There are however times when I am engulfed with a low vibration feeling, say of jealousy. I feel angry and frustrated. I realize that, but I just cannot change the thought to something else. During those times, I just surrender and acknowledge the thoughts. That's the best I can do at that very moment. I keep assuring myself that this is just a thought. Once the intensity of it goes down, I switch to a happy thought.