Sunday, October 23, 2011

It's so difficult to get over you

It is exactly one week since that horrible day. The worst day in our lives.
You were so loved and wanted my baby! It's so true that love is blind. We never got to see you but we loved you more than anything.
Your dad and me talked so much about you. We do so even now. Did you hear us then? Do you hear us now? Baabu, you are an angel who brightened our lives even though for a short while. Will you come back to us? We promise to keep you safe and happy.
We saw your picture the day before and doctor aunty and the other doctor uncle said you are doing great. There is nothing to worry. Then what happened all of a sudden? I am still looking for answers. That day still haunts me. I can still remember every single moment of that day.
The helplessness. The anxiety. The fear. The hope. The pain.
I prayed for a miracle. All the time.
I never believed in one until I heard your heartbeat for the very first time. It was such a beautiful day. We started weaving dreams of a future with three of us. Life was going to be exciting and lively with you. It was going to be different. And we were so ready for a change. We were so ready for you.
Daddy is still angry with the Gods or whoever the miracle creator was.
Every passing moment reminds us of the dream we had with you. The physical pain makes it even more painful. That pain will go away but your memory will be with us forever.
The thought that none of our friends will know you, or none of our relatives will love you sickens me to my stomach. This void will always remain.
We miss you. Be happy and stay good.


Anonymous said...

Like all times...this also shall pass....

Pain is inevitable ...but suffering is a choice!!!

if a few weeks old child's pain made you are also someone's will your parents see you suffer have to be brave!!!! for yourself and for all those who care about u.

Shreya Natekar said...

This blog was one way I could vent out my emotions at that time. But you are so right. Thanks for your message.

Anonymous said...

its extremely important to vent our feelings....unlike western philosophers, Indian spiritual teachers say that one should not suppress ones feelings...

let it vent out..whichever way you feel like...but just observe yourself when you do it!!!...

In such situations we don't have a choice, we can only wait for time to pass but how you choose to pass through this time being vulnerable or brave, depressed or cheerful is your choice...its tough but you will have to.

I can understand the state of your husband...don't force him to believe in God...he will not understand at this stage...when good things do happen (and sooner or later they have to)to him he will.

Just take good rest right need to recover physically too!! Try to keep yourself busy...but do spend sometime with yourself (and thats the time you would need strength...but if its traumatic to be alone right now...avoid it, take your time)...

Lots of love and prayers!!

Shreya Natekar said...

Thank you for the love and prayers. Knowing that someone is thinking of you feels good. Love back.