My group, Sunset Elementary School, kicked off our fundraiser and I need your help! We are raising $30,000 for 4th and 5th grade field trips.
Will you please help me reach my goal? You can support my fundraiser by going to the link below. If you don't use my personal shopping link, you need to go to https://www.ShopFund.com click SHOP NOW and then put in my Student Code: NBB12331.
My Personal Shopping link is: https://www.shopfund.com/Shop?sid=1905539&t=EM
Thank you so much and let me know when you are done :)
Sent from my iPhone
Thursday, September 28, 2023
Monday, January 20, 2014
Being so inconsiderate
Honk! Honk! b@dw0rd$! It's a daily struggle on Bangalore roads. Every single person is in a hurry, except the people crossing the roads. People crossing the road, seem to have learnt an art to put their lives in danger with a calm look on their face. It simply amazes me when I see people dodge a big huge bus rushing towards them with a gentle and not to forget accurate movement of their hips. And while doing so, continue to merrily talk on their phone, like nothing out of the ordinary happened.
Not to forget the fast and furious 2-wheelers on the roads. You can see kids, toddlers dozing just behind the handle bars; while the rider coolly, races just against the wheels of a loaded truck. Only a fool would say this is not dangerous. But people are like this, or I think have learned to live like this; art of risking lives.
And the mighty comfy 4 wheeler cars, what can I say! Every car driver seem to have lost their patience! If a car slows down or God forbids stops on the road to give way to an old couple crossing the road, the cars behind will honk to glory and will not miss to shout a few bad words. It costs agony to be courteous while driving - be it to the pedestrians or fellow cars.
Why are the buses, cars, bikes and pedestrians so careless? I will make sure I cross the road, others go to hell. I will make sure I race the trucks, who cares of the on coming traffic- they'll stop or find a way out. I will make sure I drive my slow truck on the fast moving lane, who cares if I am slowing the traffic on a free way?
Why are we so inconsiderate?
I think the learning starts at home. How many times do parents stop kids from throwing a banana skin on the road? Forget kids, how many times do people think twice before spitting on the road or throwing thrash on the roads? Keep your houses clean, don't care of the neighbors, or a passer by. You may think uneducated would behave like this. But education plays a very small part here.
One day I was watching a lady and her grandson water plants in a building complex. There were no water pipes, they had to fill water in a bucket from a tap which was a little far from the plant bed. After several trips, all the plants were watered except a few at the end. As the kid was going to water those, the granny stops the kid saying, no no don't water them, those are not ours! What? You planted a few plants in the building complex, so they become yours? But those others, ignore those? What would you loose to water the rest of plants and use the water you had with you? What is that you are teaching your kid?
This is just one example. We can see a similar kind of behavior even in corporate places. How many times do you see people walking in groups, occupying the full breadth of a road? Or people standing right at the entrance of a door or gate and engrossed in talking? Or how many people hold the door for you? In fact if someone happens to hold the door, the next few in line would see how best to squeeze through the open door.
The attitude of keep ourselves, our family and friends happy, while others don't exists - is ruining us. 'Being Human' is just a brand of clothes worn but not understood. Soon, more and more generations down the line will become more oblivious of those around.
Why are we turning out like this?
Not to forget the fast and furious 2-wheelers on the roads. You can see kids, toddlers dozing just behind the handle bars; while the rider coolly, races just against the wheels of a loaded truck. Only a fool would say this is not dangerous. But people are like this, or I think have learned to live like this; art of risking lives.
And the mighty comfy 4 wheeler cars, what can I say! Every car driver seem to have lost their patience! If a car slows down or God forbids stops on the road to give way to an old couple crossing the road, the cars behind will honk to glory and will not miss to shout a few bad words. It costs agony to be courteous while driving - be it to the pedestrians or fellow cars.
Why are the buses, cars, bikes and pedestrians so careless? I will make sure I cross the road, others go to hell. I will make sure I race the trucks, who cares of the on coming traffic- they'll stop or find a way out. I will make sure I drive my slow truck on the fast moving lane, who cares if I am slowing the traffic on a free way?
Why are we so inconsiderate?
I think the learning starts at home. How many times do parents stop kids from throwing a banana skin on the road? Forget kids, how many times do people think twice before spitting on the road or throwing thrash on the roads? Keep your houses clean, don't care of the neighbors, or a passer by. You may think uneducated would behave like this. But education plays a very small part here.
One day I was watching a lady and her grandson water plants in a building complex. There were no water pipes, they had to fill water in a bucket from a tap which was a little far from the plant bed. After several trips, all the plants were watered except a few at the end. As the kid was going to water those, the granny stops the kid saying, no no don't water them, those are not ours! What? You planted a few plants in the building complex, so they become yours? But those others, ignore those? What would you loose to water the rest of plants and use the water you had with you? What is that you are teaching your kid?
This is just one example. We can see a similar kind of behavior even in corporate places. How many times do you see people walking in groups, occupying the full breadth of a road? Or people standing right at the entrance of a door or gate and engrossed in talking? Or how many people hold the door for you? In fact if someone happens to hold the door, the next few in line would see how best to squeeze through the open door.
The attitude of keep ourselves, our family and friends happy, while others don't exists - is ruining us. 'Being Human' is just a brand of clothes worn but not understood. Soon, more and more generations down the line will become more oblivious of those around.
Why are we turning out like this?
Thursday, January 16, 2014
Infertility - husband's point of view
Came across yet another post on a beautiful representation of emotions going through a person's mind caught in the trap of infertility. This time husband's point of view.
Sunday, December 29, 2013
Visit to a temple
One day we were visiting a temple near our house. It was some occasion, I don't particularly remember. So the place was crowded with people from different paths of life, young, old, locals, some visitors. As soon as we entered the temple, I saw some women filling 'daone' (a sweet that is offered in the name of God and then distributed among the devotees as prasad-basically return gift from temple). I was excited to help too. They were very happy to have another helping hand. So after a quick 'darshan' in the temple, I went and joined the volunteers. What surprised me was none of the people (my friends and relatives) except one came forward and joined me to help. They preferred sitting right in front of the deity seeking blessings.
This bothers me. You are in a temple seeking for blessings or some kind of connection with God. What better way than to offer service? People tend to do things that they have been seeing and doing from childhood. Go to temple, offer flowers, money to God, make promises to offer more money or some goods IF my dreams get fulfilled.
Ok, ok. May be I am being too judgmental. We may not know what people have going in their lives. May be just sitting before the idol brings peace they are looking for. But then I don't see that sincerity in their behavior while in the temple either. They would start gossiping with friends and relatives that they meet, or show off their expensive jewelry or sarees. You can hardly see anyone with eyes closed, calm composure, relaxed. Everyone seems to have a anxious look on their face, as if remembering all the sin they have committed and waiting for God's pardon. The focus is more on, have I completed all the rituals properly? Did I take 1 or 3 turns around the idol. Did I ring the temple bell when I entered. Did I do a saashtaang namaskar (pray bending knees down on the floor, nose touching floor)? Did I get to eat the prasad! Do I have enough to share with my folks back home who are not with me. Did I give enough money to perform some ritual and did the priest say my name correctly before God. Else, God may give blessings to someone else by mistake.
So while I was enjoying talking to the strangers while filling the prasad, the temple bells begin to ring loud, announcing an aarti; basically the time when priest talks to God asking for blessings for people present before him and offers the prasad and distributes it among people. BTW, this is also the time, he goes around with a lighted diya and people make sure they get to touch the diya; otherwise the temple visit will not be complete. Priests collect money (small change) as he carries out this act.
So, as the bells started ringing, people with me left whatever they were doing and ran inside the temple. I had no choice but to follow them. The scene inside the temple was chaotic. There was a big rush, each one trying to get in front so that they can 'see' the idol clearly. My friends and relatives were not behind either. One shouted to the other 'come this way', almost pushing few others along the way.
Here my problem was, how can people not understand that just like how important it is for you to get the 'darshan' and the best spot, so it is for other people too. What if one of your relative cannot stand in front? What if one of your relative cannot touch the diya when the priest comes with the diyas? Don't you see others are humans too and probably God would like some order while prayers are being offered. So let those who got ahead get the best view and be the first to get the prasad. Why this race and fight?
Again this bothers me. No one seem to be considerate of a fellow being. Even at an auspicious place like a temple.
Outside the temple, you can usually see some beggars seeking the temple visitor's kindness and begging for a a few rupees. And usually what is the reaction from the people they get? They are completely ignored or looked at with doubt that these beggars may rob my shoes I left at the door. Very few are kind enough to give some change to them.
Again this bothers me. You can spend hundreds on some rituals and prasad, but cannot spare a little to some needy? I've heard people say that these beggars should not waste their time on easy money but go look for some job and earn money in a more dignified way. But my point is, if you give the same money that you would otherwise offer to the temple, to the beggar instead, will you become poor? Temple has enough money. May be with the money you give to the temple, the God idol will be painted in gold, or worn some expensive jewelry. Why do we need this drama? Why not make use of the money to feed someone who cannot afford a day's meal? May be with the money you give, they will be able to apply for a job.
What is your imagination of God? How do you please and seek God's blessings? Do you question the ways you have been taught? No, then why not?
This bothers me. You are in a temple seeking for blessings or some kind of connection with God. What better way than to offer service? People tend to do things that they have been seeing and doing from childhood. Go to temple, offer flowers, money to God, make promises to offer more money or some goods IF my dreams get fulfilled.
Ok, ok. May be I am being too judgmental. We may not know what people have going in their lives. May be just sitting before the idol brings peace they are looking for. But then I don't see that sincerity in their behavior while in the temple either. They would start gossiping with friends and relatives that they meet, or show off their expensive jewelry or sarees. You can hardly see anyone with eyes closed, calm composure, relaxed. Everyone seems to have a anxious look on their face, as if remembering all the sin they have committed and waiting for God's pardon. The focus is more on, have I completed all the rituals properly? Did I take 1 or 3 turns around the idol. Did I ring the temple bell when I entered. Did I do a saashtaang namaskar (pray bending knees down on the floor, nose touching floor)? Did I get to eat the prasad! Do I have enough to share with my folks back home who are not with me. Did I give enough money to perform some ritual and did the priest say my name correctly before God. Else, God may give blessings to someone else by mistake.
So while I was enjoying talking to the strangers while filling the prasad, the temple bells begin to ring loud, announcing an aarti; basically the time when priest talks to God asking for blessings for people present before him and offers the prasad and distributes it among people. BTW, this is also the time, he goes around with a lighted diya and people make sure they get to touch the diya; otherwise the temple visit will not be complete. Priests collect money (small change) as he carries out this act.
So, as the bells started ringing, people with me left whatever they were doing and ran inside the temple. I had no choice but to follow them. The scene inside the temple was chaotic. There was a big rush, each one trying to get in front so that they can 'see' the idol clearly. My friends and relatives were not behind either. One shouted to the other 'come this way', almost pushing few others along the way.
Here my problem was, how can people not understand that just like how important it is for you to get the 'darshan' and the best spot, so it is for other people too. What if one of your relative cannot stand in front? What if one of your relative cannot touch the diya when the priest comes with the diyas? Don't you see others are humans too and probably God would like some order while prayers are being offered. So let those who got ahead get the best view and be the first to get the prasad. Why this race and fight?
Again this bothers me. No one seem to be considerate of a fellow being. Even at an auspicious place like a temple.
Outside the temple, you can usually see some beggars seeking the temple visitor's kindness and begging for a a few rupees. And usually what is the reaction from the people they get? They are completely ignored or looked at with doubt that these beggars may rob my shoes I left at the door. Very few are kind enough to give some change to them.
Again this bothers me. You can spend hundreds on some rituals and prasad, but cannot spare a little to some needy? I've heard people say that these beggars should not waste their time on easy money but go look for some job and earn money in a more dignified way. But my point is, if you give the same money that you would otherwise offer to the temple, to the beggar instead, will you become poor? Temple has enough money. May be with the money you give to the temple, the God idol will be painted in gold, or worn some expensive jewelry. Why do we need this drama? Why not make use of the money to feed someone who cannot afford a day's meal? May be with the money you give, they will be able to apply for a job.
What is your imagination of God? How do you please and seek God's blessings? Do you question the ways you have been taught? No, then why not?
Wednesday, December 25, 2013
In India...
After staying in US for over 3 years, we shifted to India in March 2013. While in US, for last couple of years, I had tried to make positive changes in my day to day life, by taking up meditation, reading, being with nature, involving myself in volunteering activities whenever possible. My motive was to find out the secret of being happy, how mind and emotions work, learn what it meant to be free. I was reading and following some of the gurus by reading their biographies, their teachings etc. I was very excited to come to India, most importantly looking from my search for life's meaning path that I thought I was on. I don't claim to have taken up the right or best approach or techniques. But I knew I was eager and willing to put effort to know the unknown.
I knew that when we move to India, meditation, volunteering activities, interacting with people, sharing, caring, giving, learning would become less of an effort. For example, I thought getting involved in some volunteering activity in India would be easier as I would know more people, also there are more people who need help. I thought meditation or listening to scriptures or being part of satsangs would be easier than it was in US. I want to share how it turned out.
Meditation had become a regular practice for me and I was not sure if I could continue the same when in India. When we reached India, we were put up in our company guest house for a month. Every time I sat for my practice, either there were people upstairs, downstairs making noise, someone screaming, cars stuck in traffic honking non stop, some construction sound in the background. I was not used to do my practice with so much noise pollution. I thought, may be people in India who do practice meditation must be experts to be able to filter out this noise.
In office I found out that there is a meditation room open 8 am to 4 pm and was extremely delighted. With lot of time spent in daily commute, it was next to impossible to dedicate regular time at home sitting quietly concentrating on thoughts and mind and breath! So office meditation room was a blessing. But the attraction soon faded off. First day when I was in middle of my Oooommm recital (in my mind, eyes closed), a heard someone bang the door as he/she made her way in the room. Then thomp! thomp! threw her heavy bag on the floor. Psst, psst made some sound like she had a bad day (btw, the day had just started). Then started doing yogasanas making panting sound at every posture she changed. How inconsiderate! Obviously I was so annoyed. Why are we allowing yoga exercises in the mediation room? Can we keep separate hours for yoga, I inquired. But to my surprise, all I got in response was, we should adjust.
I thought to myself, I should be accommodating. I should try to come in some other time in the day. But somehow, whatever time I tried for next few days, I was disturbed by that girl (somehow it seemed like we both followed each others timings for few days) or someone else. Soon, I learned to ignore the distraction and do what I had to do. But I noticed one change in me. Initial few days, I tiptoed in the room if I saw someone sitting in meditation. But now I did not try to tiptoe or push the door slowly as I entered. I knew people did not care; no one either complained if I shut the door hard, or were grateful if I tiptoed. Unfortunately, I had become like one of the others. Well! Soon after, I did not even feel bad that I did not care.
Talking of distractions in that room, one day I was sitting in one corner calm and relaxed, counting my breathing. Suddenly I hear a fart! Loud noise and then such bad odor, I could puke. I wanted to get up and run. But I felt irresponsible if I stopped mid way, so i continued and fought the smell like a warrior. But all the while I only thought, why the hell people don't clean their tummy before a workout or meditation, or just walk out if they feel the urge. I was so annoyed! But I braved the storm (in fact one other time too) and learned to adjust.
As soon as I joined office, I got informed of a volunteering drive in campus. Mainly the idea was to collect money from people in the office and help needy students with books and stationary. I was very thrilled and was eager to be part of the initiative. The event was a success and the intended needs were met. But I was so surprised to see the participation and volunteer numbers who stepped up. Mere less than 100 out of 20,000 odd people volunteered. Even whose who did, did not show the eagerness to help. Some did not show up in meetings, were too shy to ask for money from people, could not contribute any ideas that could help the cause, were least bothered to know what was happening and how the event was progressing.
When we went for collection, the responses we got from people was even worse. Why should we contribute? Explain to us how the money will be spent. What is the guarantee that the students need what we are giving them? Well, c'mon! All the information is available online. Do you think the money will be misused? Then don't give, but don't dishearten those who want to! What I struggled to understand was, why was it so difficult to trust such an initiative? We were part of the same company, all information was transparent. What else?
I think this post may end up being too long. I'll continue in my next.
I knew that when we move to India, meditation, volunteering activities, interacting with people, sharing, caring, giving, learning would become less of an effort. For example, I thought getting involved in some volunteering activity in India would be easier as I would know more people, also there are more people who need help. I thought meditation or listening to scriptures or being part of satsangs would be easier than it was in US. I want to share how it turned out.
Meditation had become a regular practice for me and I was not sure if I could continue the same when in India. When we reached India, we were put up in our company guest house for a month. Every time I sat for my practice, either there were people upstairs, downstairs making noise, someone screaming, cars stuck in traffic honking non stop, some construction sound in the background. I was not used to do my practice with so much noise pollution. I thought, may be people in India who do practice meditation must be experts to be able to filter out this noise.
In office I found out that there is a meditation room open 8 am to 4 pm and was extremely delighted. With lot of time spent in daily commute, it was next to impossible to dedicate regular time at home sitting quietly concentrating on thoughts and mind and breath! So office meditation room was a blessing. But the attraction soon faded off. First day when I was in middle of my Oooommm recital (in my mind, eyes closed), a heard someone bang the door as he/she made her way in the room. Then thomp! thomp! threw her heavy bag on the floor. Psst, psst made some sound like she had a bad day (btw, the day had just started). Then started doing yogasanas making panting sound at every posture she changed. How inconsiderate! Obviously I was so annoyed. Why are we allowing yoga exercises in the mediation room? Can we keep separate hours for yoga, I inquired. But to my surprise, all I got in response was, we should adjust.
I thought to myself, I should be accommodating. I should try to come in some other time in the day. But somehow, whatever time I tried for next few days, I was disturbed by that girl (somehow it seemed like we both followed each others timings for few days) or someone else. Soon, I learned to ignore the distraction and do what I had to do. But I noticed one change in me. Initial few days, I tiptoed in the room if I saw someone sitting in meditation. But now I did not try to tiptoe or push the door slowly as I entered. I knew people did not care; no one either complained if I shut the door hard, or were grateful if I tiptoed. Unfortunately, I had become like one of the others. Well! Soon after, I did not even feel bad that I did not care.
Talking of distractions in that room, one day I was sitting in one corner calm and relaxed, counting my breathing. Suddenly I hear a fart! Loud noise and then such bad odor, I could puke. I wanted to get up and run. But I felt irresponsible if I stopped mid way, so i continued and fought the smell like a warrior. But all the while I only thought, why the hell people don't clean their tummy before a workout or meditation, or just walk out if they feel the urge. I was so annoyed! But I braved the storm (in fact one other time too) and learned to adjust.
As soon as I joined office, I got informed of a volunteering drive in campus. Mainly the idea was to collect money from people in the office and help needy students with books and stationary. I was very thrilled and was eager to be part of the initiative. The event was a success and the intended needs were met. But I was so surprised to see the participation and volunteer numbers who stepped up. Mere less than 100 out of 20,000 odd people volunteered. Even whose who did, did not show the eagerness to help. Some did not show up in meetings, were too shy to ask for money from people, could not contribute any ideas that could help the cause, were least bothered to know what was happening and how the event was progressing.
When we went for collection, the responses we got from people was even worse. Why should we contribute? Explain to us how the money will be spent. What is the guarantee that the students need what we are giving them? Well, c'mon! All the information is available online. Do you think the money will be misused? Then don't give, but don't dishearten those who want to! What I struggled to understand was, why was it so difficult to trust such an initiative? We were part of the same company, all information was transparent. What else?
I think this post may end up being too long. I'll continue in my next.
Saturday, November 16, 2013
Sachin! Sachin!
Sachin Sachin! Every fan of Sachin who saw him walk out of the ground must have had tears in their eyes. You are my hero!
Thursday, October 17, 2013
Infertility - emotions difficult to cope with
It was around the same time of the year, Oct 15th to be precise two years ago that I had a spontaneous abortion. I was 15+ weeks at the time and it was my first. I had no idea, that even after 2 years, I would still be childless and fighting infertility.
One way, this horrible experience changed me in a lot of ways. I have become more compassionate, I meditate which has been the biggest positive change in my life. My interest in human psychology has grown few folds. I am not scared to question human beliefs, religious and spiritual traditions. It has been quite a journey so far.
But it has also been very very difficult to control the sudden urge to cry or feel bad for myself.
I came across this letter that someone like me struggling with infertility wrote to her family and friends. It exactly portrays the whirls of emotions that went through me in the last two years. I may not be feeling the same way right now, but it does give a sense of what people like me wanting for a child go through.
a_letter_to_family_and_friends
One way, this horrible experience changed me in a lot of ways. I have become more compassionate, I meditate which has been the biggest positive change in my life. My interest in human psychology has grown few folds. I am not scared to question human beliefs, religious and spiritual traditions. It has been quite a journey so far.
But it has also been very very difficult to control the sudden urge to cry or feel bad for myself.
I came across this letter that someone like me struggling with infertility wrote to her family and friends. It exactly portrays the whirls of emotions that went through me in the last two years. I may not be feeling the same way right now, but it does give a sense of what people like me wanting for a child go through.
a_letter_to_family_and_friends
I want to share my feelings about infertility with you, because I want you to understand my struggle. I know that understanding infertility is difficult; there are times when it seems even I don't understand. This struggle has provoked intense and unfamiliar feelings in me and I fear that my reactions to these feelings might be misunderstood. I hope my ability to cope and your ability to understand will improve as I share my feelings with you. I want you to understand.
You may describe me this way: obsessed, moody, helpless, depressed, envious, too serious, obnoxious, aggressive, antagonistic, and cynical. These aren't very admirable traits; no wonder your understanding of my infertility is difficult. I prefer to describe me this way: confused, rushed and impatient, afraid, isolated and alone, guilty and ashamed, angry, sad and hopeless, and unsettled.
My infertility makes me feel confused. I always assumed I was fertile. I've spent years avoiding pregnancy and now it seems ironic that I can't conceive. I hope this will be a brief difficulty with a simple solution such as poor timing. I feel confused about whether I want to be pregnant or whether I want to be a parent. Surely if I try harder, try longer, try better and smarter, I will have a baby.
My infertility makes me feel rushed and impatient. I learned of my infertility only after I'd been trying to become pregnant for some time. My life-plan suddenly is behind schedule. I waited to become a parent and now I must wait again. I wait for medical appointments, wait for tests, wait for treatments, wait for other treatments, wait for my period not to come, wait for my partner not to be out of town and wait for pregnancy. At best, I have only twelve opportunities each year. How old will I be when I finish having my family?
My infertility makes me feel afraid. Infertility is full of unknowns, and I'm frightened because I need some definite answers. How long will this last? What if I'm never a parent? What humiliation must I endure? What pain must I suffer? Why do drugs I take to help me, make me feel worse? Why can't my body do the things that my mind wants it to do? Why do I hurt so much? I'm afraid of my feelings, afraid of my undependable body and afraid of my future.
My infertility makes me feel isolated and alone. Reminders of babies are everywhere. I must be the only one enduring this invisible curse. I stay away from others, because everything makes me hurt. No one knows how horrible is my pain. Even though I'm usually a clear thinker, I find myself being lured by superstitions and promises. I think I'm losing perspective. I feel so alone and I wonder if I'll survive this.
My infertility makes me feel guilty and ashamed. Frequently I forget that infertility is a medical problem and should be treated as one. Infertility destroys my self esteem and I feel like a failure. Why am I being punished? What did I do to deserve this? Am I not worthy of a baby? Am I not a good sexual partner? Will my partner want to remain with me? Is this the end of my family lineage? Will my family be ashamed of me? It is easy to lose self-confidence and to feel ashamed.
My infertility makes me feel angry. Everything makes me angry, and I know much of my anger is misdirected. I'm angry at my body because it has betrayed me even though I've always taken care of it. I'm angry at my partner because we can't seem to feel the same about infertility at the same time. I want and need an advocate to help me. I'm angry at my family because they've always sheltered and protected me from terrible pain. My younger sibling is pregnant; my mother wants a family reunion to show off her grandchildren and my grandparents want to pass down family heirlooms. I'm angry at my medical caregivers, because it seems that they control my future. They humiliate me, inflict pain on me, pry into my privacy, patronize me, and sometimes forget who I am. How can I impress on them how important parenting is to me? I'm angry at my expenses; infertility treatment is extremely expensive. My financial resources may determine my family size. My insurance company isn't cooperative, and I must make so many sacrifices to pay the medical bills. I can't miss any more work, or I'll lose my job. I can't go to a specialist, because it means more travel time, more missed work, and greater expenses. Finally, I'm angry at everyone else. Everyone has opinions about my inability to become a parent. Everyone has easy solutions. Everyone seems to know too little and say too much.
My infertility makes me feel sad and hopeless. Infertility feels like I've lost my future, and no one knows of my sadness. I feel hopeless; infertility robs me of my energy. I've never cried so much nor so easily. I'm sad that my infertility places my marriage under so much strain. I'm sad that my infertility requires me to be so self-centered. I'm sad that I've ignored many friendships because this struggle hurts so much and demands so much energy. Friends with children prefer the company of other families with children. I'm surrounded by babies, pregnant women, playgrounds, baby showers, birth stories, kids' movies, birthday parties and much more. I feel so sad and hopeless. My infertility makes me feel unsettled. My life is on hold. Making decisions about my immediate and my long-term future seems impossible. I can't decide about education, career, purchasing a home, pursuing a hobby, getting a pet, vacations, business trips and houseguests. The more I struggle with my infertility, the less control I have. This struggle has no timetable; the treatments have no guarantees. The only sure things are that I need to be near my partner at fertile times and near my doctor at treatment times. Should I pursue adoption? Should I take expensive drugs? Should I pursue more specialized and costly medical intervention? It feels unsettling to have no clear, easy answers or guarantees.
Occasionally I feel my panic subside. I'm learning some helpful ways to cope; I'm now convinced I'm not crazy, and I believe I'll survive. I'm learning to listen to my body and to be assertive, not aggressive, about my needs. I'm realizing that good medical care and good emotional care are not necessarily found in the same place. I'm trying to be more than an infertile person gaining enthusiasm, joyfulness, and zest for life.
You can help me. I know you care about me and I know my infertility affects our relationship. My sadness causes you sadness; what hurts me, hurts you, too. I believe we can help each other through this sadness. Individually we both seem quite powerless, but together we can be stronger. Maybe some of these hints will help us to better understand infertility.
I need you to be a listener. Talking about my struggle helps me to make decisions. Let me know you are available for me. It's difficult for me to expose my private thoughts if you are rushed or have a deadline for the end of our conversation. Please don't tell me of all the worse things that have happened to others or how easily someone else's infertility was solved. Every case is individual. Please don't just give advice; instead, guide me with your questions. Assure me that you respect my confidences, and then be certain that you deserve my trust. While listening try to maintain an open mind. I need you to be supportive. Understand that my decisions aren't made casually,I've agonized over them. Remind me that you respect these decisions even if you disagree with them, because you know they are made carefully. Don't ask me, "Are you sure?" Repeatedly remind me that you love me no matter what. I need to hear it so badly. Let me know you understand that this is very hard work. Help me realize that I may need additional support from professional caregivers and appropriate organizations. Perhaps you can suggest resources. You might also need support for yourself, and I fear I'm unable to provide it for you; please don't expect me to do so. Help me to keep sight of my goal.
I need you to be comfortable with me, and then I also will feel more comfortable. Talking about infertility sometimes feels awkward. Are you worried you might say the wrong thing? Share those feelings with me. Ask me if I want to talk. Sometimes I will want to, and sometimes I won't, but it will remind me that you care.
I need you to be sensitive. Although I may joke about infertility to help myself cope, it doesn't seem as funny when others joke about it. Please don't tease me with remarks like, "You don't seem to know how to do it." Don't trivialize my struggle by saying, "I'd be glad to give you one of my kids." It's no comfort to hear empty reassurances like, "You'll be a parent by this time next year." Don't minimize my feelings with, "You shouldn't be so unhappy." For now, don't push me into uncomfortable situations like baby showers or family reunions. I already feel sad and guilty; please don't also make me feel guilty for disappointing you.
I need you to be honest with me. Let me know that you may need time to adjust to some of my decisions. I also needed adjustment time. If there are things you don't understand, say so. Please be gentle when you guide me to be realistic about things I can't change such as my age, some medical conditions, financial resources, and employment obligations. Don't hide information about others' pregnancies from me. Although such news makes me feel very sad, it feels worse when you leave me out.
I need you to be informed. Your advice and suggestions are only frustrating to me me if they aren't based on fact. Be well informed so you can educate others when they make remarks based on myths. Don't let anyone tell you that my infertility will be cured if I relax and adopt. Don't tell me this is God's will. Don't ask me to justify my need to parent. Don't criticize my course of action or my choice of physician even though I may do that myself. Reassure yourself that I am also searching for plenty of information which helps me make more knowledgeable decisions about my options.
I need you to be patient. Remember that working through infertility is a process. It takes time. There are no guarantees, no package deals, no complete kits, no one right answer, and no "quickie" choices. My needs change; my choices change. Yesterday I demanded privacy, but today I need you for strength. You have many feelings about infertility, and I do too. Please allow me to have anger, joy, sadness, and hope. Don't minimize or evaluate my feelings. Just allow me to have them, and give me time.
I need you to be strengthening by boosting my self esteem. My sense of worthlessness hampers my ability to take charge. My personal privacy has repeatedly been invaded. I've been subjected to postcoital exams, semen collection in waiting room bathrooms, and tests in rooms next to labor rooms. Enjoyable experiences with you such as a lunch date, a shopping trip, or a visit to a museum help me feel normal.
Encourage me to maintain my sense of humor; guide me to find joys. Celebrate with me my successes, even ones as small as making it through a medical appointment without crying. Remind me that I am more than an infertile person. Help me by sharing your strength.
Eventually I will be beyond the struggle of infertility. I know my infertility will never completely go away because it will change my life. I won't be able to return to the person I was before infertility, but I also will no longer be controlled by this struggle. I will leave the struggle behind me, and from that I will have improved my skills for empathy, patience, resilience, forgiveness, decision-making and self-assessment. I feel grateful that you are trying to ease my journey through this infertility struggle by giving me your understanding.
Jody Earle
Thursday, February 14, 2013
Mind, Thoughts and Us
Our mind is constantly feeding us with thoughts. Thoughts of our past, or our future, sometimes just self made-up memories. Mostly the feeling associated with them are that of fear or apprehension/worry of future events or grief, loss, despair of past memories. Why does this happen? Can we control this? Do they affect our lives in any way?
I have been doing my personal search and learning of consciousness mainly through meditation and reading and following posts from people who I believe have a common purpose. I feel my desire to learn or explore the 'truth' as they say in spirituality, leads me to useful sources. Sources, those at the moment, help to answer my questions. I don't know what is right and what is not. But I trust intuition and my gut feeling that leads me to a satisfying place at the time.
As I was reading the book Nine Lives: In Search of the Sacred in Modern India, I was amazed by the varied belief system and thought process of people who they believe are so close to God. What is God to them? Why do I not see those Gods that they do? Are they happy in life because of their faith or because of something else? Then they are sad too, so why are they sad?
I am learning that we are responsible for our own experiences whether good or bad. When things go wrong, we like to find someone to blame it on, and God seems an easy way. But why would God want us pain or suffering. Because we may have done something bad so this is our punishment or old bad karma? But who decides good or bad? Then we plan on bribing God or make him happy using drills we have known from childhood. These explanations does not make sense to me. So I keep looking for answers.
When I am meditating, I can get to a state where a thought about anything becomes painfully energy draining and so it feels great to be void of any. Where does my grudge or my reasons to feel bad for myself, or the bad memories go at that time? Same, when say I am enjoying an evening with my friends? Or I am reading a book of my interest. So, it means that I am no longer in pain for any reason at those times. Mostly, these 'bad' feelings come in when I am idle and have no better things to do. But knowing that I can be in a state of no thought and so of no pain is revolutionary. It means that with focus, and that is with intention I can choose to have no thoughts. But how can we be with no thoughts all the time? But at least it clarifies one thing, and the most important thing. And that is pain or unhappiness is linked to my thoughts. Of course, it also means, happiness is linked to my thoughts. Basically, feelings and emotions are. So this means that happiness or sadness are my choosing.
I came across Abraham Ester Hicks videos where super beings talk to Ester Hicks. They talk about being in the vibrational vortex and the universal law of attraction. The theory is that, we are all vibrations, including our thoughts. Whatever we desire, the universe is waiting to give it to us. There are no exceptions. We however need to be in our vibrational vortex to receive what is given. Basically, it is the feeling-good space.
I read her book called 'Ask and it is Given'. In her book there are many techniques explaining how the law of attraction can be used to fulfill your desires.
Our subconscious makes up 85% or our total mind power. Very little as 15% is conscious. What does this mean? Say we pick a glass of water. The focus to pick the glass is conscious. But which muscle to contract and how to move fingers is subconscious. Our subconscious is continuously learning from our tiny conscious and is controlling our life so to say. What I felt going through the book was that the techniques were mainly how to be conscious and deliberate in choosing thoughts which thus affect the subconscious. Most of the time, just thinking about what you want does not work effectively. You need to communicate this to the subconscious in a way that it understands and remembers.
I try to be conscious and aware of what I am thinking throughout the day. But many times thoughts involuntarily bring feeling of pain, jealousy and fear. As soon as I realize I am doing that, I think of something else. It is a continuous deliberate process. There are however times when I am engulfed with a low vibration feeling, say of jealousy. I feel angry and frustrated. I realize that, but I just cannot change the thought to something else. During those times, I just surrender and acknowledge the thoughts. That's the best I can do at that very moment. I keep assuring myself that this is just a thought. Once the intensity of it goes down, I switch to a happy thought.
I have been doing my personal search and learning of consciousness mainly through meditation and reading and following posts from people who I believe have a common purpose. I feel my desire to learn or explore the 'truth' as they say in spirituality, leads me to useful sources. Sources, those at the moment, help to answer my questions. I don't know what is right and what is not. But I trust intuition and my gut feeling that leads me to a satisfying place at the time.
As I was reading the book Nine Lives: In Search of the Sacred in Modern India, I was amazed by the varied belief system and thought process of people who they believe are so close to God. What is God to them? Why do I not see those Gods that they do? Are they happy in life because of their faith or because of something else? Then they are sad too, so why are they sad?
I am learning that we are responsible for our own experiences whether good or bad. When things go wrong, we like to find someone to blame it on, and God seems an easy way. But why would God want us pain or suffering. Because we may have done something bad so this is our punishment or old bad karma? But who decides good or bad? Then we plan on bribing God or make him happy using drills we have known from childhood. These explanations does not make sense to me. So I keep looking for answers.
When I am meditating, I can get to a state where a thought about anything becomes painfully energy draining and so it feels great to be void of any. Where does my grudge or my reasons to feel bad for myself, or the bad memories go at that time? Same, when say I am enjoying an evening with my friends? Or I am reading a book of my interest. So, it means that I am no longer in pain for any reason at those times. Mostly, these 'bad' feelings come in when I am idle and have no better things to do. But knowing that I can be in a state of no thought and so of no pain is revolutionary. It means that with focus, and that is with intention I can choose to have no thoughts. But how can we be with no thoughts all the time? But at least it clarifies one thing, and the most important thing. And that is pain or unhappiness is linked to my thoughts. Of course, it also means, happiness is linked to my thoughts. Basically, feelings and emotions are. So this means that happiness or sadness are my choosing.
I came across Abraham Ester Hicks videos where super beings talk to Ester Hicks. They talk about being in the vibrational vortex and the universal law of attraction. The theory is that, we are all vibrations, including our thoughts. Whatever we desire, the universe is waiting to give it to us. There are no exceptions. We however need to be in our vibrational vortex to receive what is given. Basically, it is the feeling-good space.
I read her book called 'Ask and it is Given'. In her book there are many techniques explaining how the law of attraction can be used to fulfill your desires.
Our subconscious makes up 85% or our total mind power. Very little as 15% is conscious. What does this mean? Say we pick a glass of water. The focus to pick the glass is conscious. But which muscle to contract and how to move fingers is subconscious. Our subconscious is continuously learning from our tiny conscious and is controlling our life so to say. What I felt going through the book was that the techniques were mainly how to be conscious and deliberate in choosing thoughts which thus affect the subconscious. Most of the time, just thinking about what you want does not work effectively. You need to communicate this to the subconscious in a way that it understands and remembers.
I try to be conscious and aware of what I am thinking throughout the day. But many times thoughts involuntarily bring feeling of pain, jealousy and fear. As soon as I realize I am doing that, I think of something else. It is a continuous deliberate process. There are however times when I am engulfed with a low vibration feeling, say of jealousy. I feel angry and frustrated. I realize that, but I just cannot change the thought to something else. During those times, I just surrender and acknowledge the thoughts. That's the best I can do at that very moment. I keep assuring myself that this is just a thought. Once the intensity of it goes down, I switch to a happy thought.
Wednesday, January 23, 2013
Our Beliefs make up our Reality
'Nine Lives: In Search of the Sacred in Modern India' - By William Dalyrmple. I read this book couple of weeks back. It is a wonderful travelogue where the author has presented 9 different stories of 9 ordinary Indian people who follow separate religious beliefs. I was immediately engaged in the stories of the people because of the writing style, giving adequate attention to mundane things in their daily lives as well as the sacred rituals and traditions.
The book for me was more than learning about the different cultures.
Why do people follow certain traditions? What is their definition of God? Did the God they hold so dearly protect them from all evil?
One thing was clear from all the stories. The cause or the reason why a person ended up following a God or the sacred tradition was more than just something that got passed on from generation to generation. Most of the stories in the book were of people who chose to become a Theyyam dancer, or a tantric, or a sufi singer or a monk.
For people of lower castes and those lower in socio economic ladder, the tradition of dancing or giving blessing as if they 'become' God is a source of food and some extra money. It is also a source to gain respect from other portions of the society who otherwise would not even look at them in their real life.
There is some kind of conflict between the day to day lives of the people and the special days or nights when they were in their avatars. Or there was a conflict in what they believed as part of the faith and what they really felt inside.
The Theyyam dancer for example digs well for rich people in town who would not allow them to touch the water of the same wells after they are complete. The Tibetan Monk who follow teachings of non-violence and love, have to pick up swords and guns to fight the Chinese army. The deva-daasis are bitten by the deadly disease of aids from people who come to them to wash away their sins. The Jain Nun is looking forward to moksha, a form of suicide which would unite her to a friend who died at an young age.
So what is real? The pain of the Nun or her belief that she will meet her friend after death? The well digger's belief that he is God for few months of the year?
I think it doesn't matter to us, as an audience. Our belief system becomes or reality. For the Sufi singer, or the tantrics, the beliefs they hold is their reality.
And as for us, it goes along the same line. It bothers me to see how my family and relatives follow traditions and religious beliefs which most don't know the meaning of or the importance of. But again, it doesn't matter. For people who do those acts, they make that their reality.
The book for me was more than learning about the different cultures.
Why do people follow certain traditions? What is their definition of God? Did the God they hold so dearly protect them from all evil?
One thing was clear from all the stories. The cause or the reason why a person ended up following a God or the sacred tradition was more than just something that got passed on from generation to generation. Most of the stories in the book were of people who chose to become a Theyyam dancer, or a tantric, or a sufi singer or a monk.
For people of lower castes and those lower in socio economic ladder, the tradition of dancing or giving blessing as if they 'become' God is a source of food and some extra money. It is also a source to gain respect from other portions of the society who otherwise would not even look at them in their real life.
There is some kind of conflict between the day to day lives of the people and the special days or nights when they were in their avatars. Or there was a conflict in what they believed as part of the faith and what they really felt inside.
The Theyyam dancer for example digs well for rich people in town who would not allow them to touch the water of the same wells after they are complete. The Tibetan Monk who follow teachings of non-violence and love, have to pick up swords and guns to fight the Chinese army. The deva-daasis are bitten by the deadly disease of aids from people who come to them to wash away their sins. The Jain Nun is looking forward to moksha, a form of suicide which would unite her to a friend who died at an young age.
So what is real? The pain of the Nun or her belief that she will meet her friend after death? The well digger's belief that he is God for few months of the year?
I think it doesn't matter to us, as an audience. Our belief system becomes or reality. For the Sufi singer, or the tantrics, the beliefs they hold is their reality.
And as for us, it goes along the same line. It bothers me to see how my family and relatives follow traditions and religious beliefs which most don't know the meaning of or the importance of. But again, it doesn't matter. For people who do those acts, they make that their reality.
Wednesday, December 19, 2012
Conversations with God - Book
I picked this book - 'Conversations with God' by Neale Donald Walsch from the library. This is the second time I picked it up. The first time round I could not read beyond couple of pages. A friend had suggested this book to me, and at that time it seemed artificial and something I could not comprehend.
This time I was looking for answers. More than answers to specific questions, I was looking to explore and understand this explanation of Life and God.
The language used in the book is very casual - not something we imagine God can talk to us.
Below are some lines from the book, which I had noted down.
The deepest secret is that life is not a process of discovery, but a process of creation. You are not discovering yourself, but creating yourself anew. (Thoughts, word, action - that's how).
There is only one purpose for all of life, and that is for you and all that lives to experience fullest glory. The soul knows all there is to know all the time. Yet knowing is not enough. The soul seeks to experience.
Judge not, then, the karmic path walked by another. Envy not success, nor pity failure, for you know not what is success and failure in the soul's reckoning.And know that what you do in the tune of your greatest trial can be your greatest triumph. For the experience you create is a statement of who you are and who you want to be.
You life is always a result of your thoughts about it - including your obviously creative thought that you seldom get what you choose. Your life proceeds out of your intentions for it.
In the largest sense, all the "bad" things that happen are of your choosing. The mistake is not in choosing them, but in calling them bad. For in calling them bad, you call your self bad, since you created them. This label you cannot accept, so rather than label self bad, you disown your own creations.You cannot change the outer event (for that has been created by the lot of you, and you are not grown enough in your consciousness to alter individually that which has been created collectively), so you must change the inner experience. Nothing is painful in and of itself. Pain is a result of wrong thought. It is an error in thinking.
Pain results from a judgement you have made about a thing. Remove the judgement and the pain disappears.
Affirmations do not work if they are merely statements of what you want to be true. Affirmations work only when they are statements of something you already know to be true.
If, now, there is something you choose to experience in your life, do not "want" it- choose it.
The actions of the body were meant to be reflections of a state of being, not attempts to attain a state of being.
In true order of things one does not do things in order to be happy - one is happy and hence does things. One does not do things in order to be compassionate, one is compassionate and, hence, acts in a certain way. The soul's decision precedes the body's action in a highly conscious person. Only an unconscious person attempts to produce a state of the soul through something the body is doing.
Your life work is a statement of who you are. If it is not, then why are you doing it?
Do you imagine that you have to? You don't have to do anything.
If "Man who supports his family at all cost, even his own happiness" is who you are then love your work, because it is facilitating your creation of a living statement of Self.
If " woman who works at a job she hates in order to meet responsibilities as she sees them" is who you are then love love love your job for it totally supports your self image, your self concept.
Everyone can love everything the moment they understand what they are doing, and why.
No one does anything he doesn't want to do.
This time I was looking for answers. More than answers to specific questions, I was looking to explore and understand this explanation of Life and God.
The language used in the book is very casual - not something we imagine God can talk to us.
Below are some lines from the book, which I had noted down.
The deepest secret is that life is not a process of discovery, but a process of creation. You are not discovering yourself, but creating yourself anew. (Thoughts, word, action - that's how).
There is only one purpose for all of life, and that is for you and all that lives to experience fullest glory. The soul knows all there is to know all the time. Yet knowing is not enough. The soul seeks to experience.
Judge not, then, the karmic path walked by another. Envy not success, nor pity failure, for you know not what is success and failure in the soul's reckoning.And know that what you do in the tune of your greatest trial can be your greatest triumph. For the experience you create is a statement of who you are and who you want to be.
You life is always a result of your thoughts about it - including your obviously creative thought that you seldom get what you choose. Your life proceeds out of your intentions for it.
In the largest sense, all the "bad" things that happen are of your choosing. The mistake is not in choosing them, but in calling them bad. For in calling them bad, you call your self bad, since you created them. This label you cannot accept, so rather than label self bad, you disown your own creations.You cannot change the outer event (for that has been created by the lot of you, and you are not grown enough in your consciousness to alter individually that which has been created collectively), so you must change the inner experience. Nothing is painful in and of itself. Pain is a result of wrong thought. It is an error in thinking.
Pain results from a judgement you have made about a thing. Remove the judgement and the pain disappears.
Affirmations do not work if they are merely statements of what you want to be true. Affirmations work only when they are statements of something you already know to be true.
If, now, there is something you choose to experience in your life, do not "want" it- choose it.
The actions of the body were meant to be reflections of a state of being, not attempts to attain a state of being.
In true order of things one does not do things in order to be happy - one is happy and hence does things. One does not do things in order to be compassionate, one is compassionate and, hence, acts in a certain way. The soul's decision precedes the body's action in a highly conscious person. Only an unconscious person attempts to produce a state of the soul through something the body is doing.
Your life work is a statement of who you are. If it is not, then why are you doing it?
Do you imagine that you have to? You don't have to do anything.
If "Man who supports his family at all cost, even his own happiness" is who you are then love your work, because it is facilitating your creation of a living statement of Self.
If " woman who works at a job she hates in order to meet responsibilities as she sees them" is who you are then love love love your job for it totally supports your self image, your self concept.
Everyone can love everything the moment they understand what they are doing, and why.
No one does anything he doesn't want to do.
Monday, November 26, 2012
Illusion v/s Real World
Meditation, Kriya, breathing techniques, reading or watching related content are becoming more regular for me. I may skip a day or few, but I wait to get back to the routine as soon as I can. While I sit there with eyes closed and breathing slowly, I feel great. A feeling of being one with Life Force.
Some of the things that I got to experience is a feeling of love, abundance and appreciation. I feel energized, want to go exercise, meet people, find and make time to do things I love. The focus is on positive things. I wish this 'magic state' continued. But it never stays forever.
Some of the things that I got to experience is a feeling of love, abundance and appreciation. I feel energized, want to go exercise, meet people, find and make time to do things I love. The focus is on positive things. I wish this 'magic state' continued. But it never stays forever.
There are times when I feel devastated. My mind chatters so much I cannot sleep. I get angry or go into depression. There are even times when I get into fights or arguments just after being back from a meditation session. I wonder what goes wrong. I imagine one should go into deep calmness and be able to be centered in undesirable situations. Isn't that what spirituality should do to you? So, in the real world, where you get challenged and where it is your chance to show or test your serenity, why do you fail?
Am I wasting my time? But my inner voice says otherwise. I even decide to quit all the practice and the craze. And I do. I have done it many times. But something keeps pulling me back. I think it is the familiar and the secure place that feels like home. The prayer that gives strength and positive energy.
One important learning that I have come to know is that life will always have ups and downs. With your free will you can influence life events to some extent. But you cannot control them. But with certain techniques, realizations and knowledge you can learn to live through them.
I am reading a book called 'Positive Energy' by Judith Orloff. In this book she describes practices and tools to increase energy and find inner peace. She says do everything to find your intuition and follow your inner voice. From that center point, find the rhythm of your life. Once you synchronize with it, positive energy will grow.
I would definitely recommend this book. It affirms my interest and trust on meditation, love and spiritual practices.
I also came across this video which I like and think is pretty direct and clear in explaining the two aspects of life.
Am I wasting my time? But my inner voice says otherwise. I even decide to quit all the practice and the craze. And I do. I have done it many times. But something keeps pulling me back. I think it is the familiar and the secure place that feels like home. The prayer that gives strength and positive energy.
One important learning that I have come to know is that life will always have ups and downs. With your free will you can influence life events to some extent. But you cannot control them. But with certain techniques, realizations and knowledge you can learn to live through them.
I am reading a book called 'Positive Energy' by Judith Orloff. In this book she describes practices and tools to increase energy and find inner peace. She says do everything to find your intuition and follow your inner voice. From that center point, find the rhythm of your life. Once you synchronize with it, positive energy will grow.
I would definitely recommend this book. It affirms my interest and trust on meditation, love and spiritual practices.
I also came across this video which I like and think is pretty direct and clear in explaining the two aspects of life.
Thursday, October 18, 2012
Why go through this process?
It has been such a long time I wrote something about myself here. What has been going on in my life after the secrets being revealed and meditation becoming the most important task in my daily routine?
One thing I have come to realize is that, it is not easy. It is not easy to stay on a daily routine. It takes a lot of effort to stay positive and 'on path' to spiritual awakening. Not surprising, that not everyone takes to the path of meditation or yoga.
I believe, I have shifted my energy in a more positive direction in the last 2 months or so. But I still at times feel anxious, despaired of life and struggle to find answers to my troubled mind. I even question the presence of God. Most of the time, it happens when I want to give up. Mind and body cannot keep pace with the changes in conscious.
God! One day I said to myself, is only my imagination. Well, I say this in my times of despair. I meditate, I pray and I keep Him alive in my thoughts. My actions become a service to the most powerful. But it takes lot of courage and strength to do that. Of what good is it to me as I sit here meditating and being one with the space around me? Quietening my mind which is the toughest of all and seeking strength from the source?
I look around and see all the people around me, happy and celebrating. Even if they don't bend their knees in prayers, they seem to be doing pretty good. Enjoying and full filled.
Then why do I need to go through the grind?
Every time the answer to this question for me has been - because there is something bigger than you waiting to be known. There is an energy to be part of which you've not experienced. There are hearts to touch and love to give. You are living this life for a purpose and need to find that out. There will be ups and downs in life. To live is not to chase those fulfilling moments and dodge the lows. Those will happen no matter how hard you try or don't.
I've lived for 30+ years and nearing half the average life expectancy of human life. If I live 30 more, what do I want to do in those years? Just knowing that there is a bigger purpose in life, takes me back to the grind. Actually, I think its the other way round. Going back to the grind makes me realize that there is more to life than what I know.
One thing I have come to realize is that, it is not easy. It is not easy to stay on a daily routine. It takes a lot of effort to stay positive and 'on path' to spiritual awakening. Not surprising, that not everyone takes to the path of meditation or yoga.
I believe, I have shifted my energy in a more positive direction in the last 2 months or so. But I still at times feel anxious, despaired of life and struggle to find answers to my troubled mind. I even question the presence of God. Most of the time, it happens when I want to give up. Mind and body cannot keep pace with the changes in conscious.
God! One day I said to myself, is only my imagination. Well, I say this in my times of despair. I meditate, I pray and I keep Him alive in my thoughts. My actions become a service to the most powerful. But it takes lot of courage and strength to do that. Of what good is it to me as I sit here meditating and being one with the space around me? Quietening my mind which is the toughest of all and seeking strength from the source?
I look around and see all the people around me, happy and celebrating. Even if they don't bend their knees in prayers, they seem to be doing pretty good. Enjoying and full filled.
Then why do I need to go through the grind?
Every time the answer to this question for me has been - because there is something bigger than you waiting to be known. There is an energy to be part of which you've not experienced. There are hearts to touch and love to give. You are living this life for a purpose and need to find that out. There will be ups and downs in life. To live is not to chase those fulfilling moments and dodge the lows. Those will happen no matter how hard you try or don't.
I've lived for 30+ years and nearing half the average life expectancy of human life. If I live 30 more, what do I want to do in those years? Just knowing that there is a bigger purpose in life, takes me back to the grind. Actually, I think its the other way round. Going back to the grind makes me realize that there is more to life than what I know.
Thursday, August 30, 2012
Cross Stitch - Casio Key Board Cover
I have been away from blogging for a while. Besides other things, I have been working on making a cover for our Casio key board. I had a cross stitch matty cloth with me and other stuff like cross stitch floss and needle. After my school home science project to cross stitch a small table cloth, this is my next cross stitch project. And boy, am I not proud of the result!
In school, my motivation was points and grades. But this time it was something else. I have a liking to cross stitch, I won't deny that but unfortunately it has only been restricted to school assignments. It has been 20 years since the time I took up something on stitching!
I always thought that I should take up some stitching project. But never made time. It took me 20 years to finally pick up something I liked and work on it!
Our Casio was getting dusty and I was always complaining about it. But this time, the moment I complained, I knew I could do only two things. Continue complaining or dust it and get back to what I thought I wanted to do from a long time. I am glad, I decided the later.
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Here's a picture of the final version. Took me 2 weeks, a trip to the library for a cross stitch design book, digging old suitcases for the all the material, and of course a 'decision' to work on this Casio cover to get to this.
I picked the pattern from - treasury of cross stitch samplers by Sharon Perna
In school, my motivation was points and grades. But this time it was something else. I have a liking to cross stitch, I won't deny that but unfortunately it has only been restricted to school assignments. It has been 20 years since the time I took up something on stitching!
I always thought that I should take up some stitching project. But never made time. It took me 20 years to finally pick up something I liked and work on it!
Our Casio was getting dusty and I was always complaining about it. But this time, the moment I complained, I knew I could do only two things. Continue complaining or dust it and get back to what I thought I wanted to do from a long time. I am glad, I decided the later.
.JPG)
Here's a picture of the final version. Took me 2 weeks, a trip to the library for a cross stitch design book, digging old suitcases for the all the material, and of course a 'decision' to work on this Casio cover to get to this.
I picked the pattern from - treasury of cross stitch samplers by Sharon Perna
Thursday, August 16, 2012
30 Day Drawing Challenge - Day 26 - Something you don't like
Hola! Time to go back to something I started out doing :-) Day 26 of the drawing challenge. Had almost lost the link to the pinterest link. Hope I don't need to keep looking it for long. I want to get to my congrats finish banner of day 30 soon.
Today's topic is 'Something you don't like'. Well, I sat down to draw a day before and I could not decide. What do I not like. At that time, only thing on my mind was how my close friends and family were making strong desires in the name of better future and losing out on the today we could make beautiful. I was feeling bad I could not make any difference. I could not explain to them how to let go and in turn was getting disappointed. I thought it was too complicated thought and since now putting attention to simplicity was my new mantra, I instead went to bed.
But the following day, I had a meeting with my manager. It was too noisy at my desk, so we went into a conference room so that there was no disturbance. It was a serious discussion for me, as it was of more value to me than the other person. And regardless of the purpose of discussion, I do demand undivided attention. But he was getting late and needed to co-ordinate with his car pool folks. Just imagine this moment. I am talking, and he texts and starts making calls. I say, 'we can talk tomorrow, if you need to leave'. And he says, 'no, I am listening, you keep talking'. Really?
This is very annoying. I have seen this happen at lot of places. Even I do that, many times in fact. And I also know that, I tend to do this when I give more importance to the phone call than the conversation with the person with me.
This drawing is a lesson to all of us, that we need to make proper judgement on when we make/take calls, send texts, check FB on phone etc. Also, that we need to respect the company that we are in. The use of cell phone has brought a lot of convenience in our life but has also made us insensitive to the 'human' interaction. Something to ponder.
.JPG)
Today's topic is 'Something you don't like'. Well, I sat down to draw a day before and I could not decide. What do I not like. At that time, only thing on my mind was how my close friends and family were making strong desires in the name of better future and losing out on the today we could make beautiful. I was feeling bad I could not make any difference. I could not explain to them how to let go and in turn was getting disappointed. I thought it was too complicated thought and since now putting attention to simplicity was my new mantra, I instead went to bed.
But the following day, I had a meeting with my manager. It was too noisy at my desk, so we went into a conference room so that there was no disturbance. It was a serious discussion for me, as it was of more value to me than the other person. And regardless of the purpose of discussion, I do demand undivided attention. But he was getting late and needed to co-ordinate with his car pool folks. Just imagine this moment. I am talking, and he texts and starts making calls. I say, 'we can talk tomorrow, if you need to leave'. And he says, 'no, I am listening, you keep talking'. Really?
This is very annoying. I have seen this happen at lot of places. Even I do that, many times in fact. And I also know that, I tend to do this when I give more importance to the phone call than the conversation with the person with me.
This drawing is a lesson to all of us, that we need to make proper judgement on when we make/take calls, send texts, check FB on phone etc. Also, that we need to respect the company that we are in. The use of cell phone has brought a lot of convenience in our life but has also made us insensitive to the 'human' interaction. Something to ponder.
.JPG)
Monday, August 13, 2012
Live your life Now
After we were back from the trip to Salt Lake City, I got to know the terrible news of a fatal accident on a busy street near our house that took the lives of two young cousins. Both were driving back from a baptism ceremony when a car hit theirs at a signal. I was surprised to know that this street where cars don't go more than 25 or 30 mph could kill someone in an accident. We pass that road very often and cannot stop thinking of the lives lost and their families.
On talking about this accident to another friend, she told me of her Aunt who was killed in an accident crossing a road. She was walking back from a grocery store and the truck driver turned on a free right not seeing her. Her son still goes to the grocery store hoping to find her there.
We all heard the shooting at the Colorado theater. People had got together to just have some good time but for those few it was their last.
And then we heard of the shooting at the Gurudwara in Wisconsin.
I met a colleague of mine whose Mom was diagnosed with Cancer couple of weeks back. I could not imagine the stress and emotions going through the young girl's mind.
For a moment think of these people. What goes through your mind? You feel sad I am sure. What do you feel about your life?
Do you still want to worry about the chores left incomplete? Or keep the grudge for a friend since college days? The extra pounds on your hips? The exam you could not clear. Your life long wish to have kids, in this year and these many. Your dream of spending your life with Mr right going wrong. The job I could have got if only I applied at the right time.I cannot stress enough on the importance of 'now', the moment we have. The tragedies listed above is a reminder to live the present moment. That's all we have. This very breath you took in, feel the warmth, remember your relation to the Being, feel grateful. As you breath out relax your mind and be assured all is well, everything is going to be OK.
Don't wait for the perfect conditions to learn something new. Start now. If you are thinking of a friend you want to talk to, call them now.
You are feeling this is the end of world, nothing is going right for you? Remember, it is just a moment that will pass too. You are part of this universe that has gone through infinite changes and continuously does. You have that power of change in you. You have the power to be happy.
If you want to be happy, be. ~Leo Tolstoy
We own every situation we are in and should take full responsibility for it.
You cannot control all life events, but you can control how you feel. Believe that every problem has a solution. If you continue to get lost in your egoistic endeavors, you will remain in the constant cycle of loss and pain. Break this cycle of unrealistic hopes. If you feel emotionally down, don't look for answers now. Wait till your mind is clear of all the noise. For now, just be aware of the thoughts that come to your mind. Don't fight them. And don't glue yourself to them to continue crying for what happened.
Welcome every moment as the last you will have or the first you ever had.
There are many times I feel lost and doubt God's power. The meditation, the knowledge I get from reading books or meeting people, of what 'use' is it to me? But every time I have come to only one conclusion - and that is, as soon as you keep yourself separated from worldly 'norms' and 'pleasures' and 'the rat race', the fear of 'something bad' and your mind is in the 'Now', there is place for only peace and happiness. And that is the aim in life isn't it?
You ease into the worldly 'norms'. You experience the 'pleasure' of being alive. You win your 'rat race' because these are your own mind made. The 'something bad' you think will happen is ALL in your mind. So just relax your mind. Your present moment was your future in your past. Got it? So you have the choice how you want to live it or rather I should say, how you want your future to be.
On talking about this accident to another friend, she told me of her Aunt who was killed in an accident crossing a road. She was walking back from a grocery store and the truck driver turned on a free right not seeing her. Her son still goes to the grocery store hoping to find her there.
We all heard the shooting at the Colorado theater. People had got together to just have some good time but for those few it was their last.
And then we heard of the shooting at the Gurudwara in Wisconsin.
I met a colleague of mine whose Mom was diagnosed with Cancer couple of weeks back. I could not imagine the stress and emotions going through the young girl's mind.
For a moment think of these people. What goes through your mind? You feel sad I am sure. What do you feel about your life?
Do you still want to worry about the chores left incomplete? Or keep the grudge for a friend since college days? The extra pounds on your hips? The exam you could not clear. Your life long wish to have kids, in this year and these many. Your dream of spending your life with Mr right going wrong. The job I could have got if only I applied at the right time.I cannot stress enough on the importance of 'now', the moment we have. The tragedies listed above is a reminder to live the present moment. That's all we have. This very breath you took in, feel the warmth, remember your relation to the Being, feel grateful. As you breath out relax your mind and be assured all is well, everything is going to be OK.
Don't wait for the perfect conditions to learn something new. Start now. If you are thinking of a friend you want to talk to, call them now.
You are feeling this is the end of world, nothing is going right for you? Remember, it is just a moment that will pass too. You are part of this universe that has gone through infinite changes and continuously does. You have that power of change in you. You have the power to be happy.
If you want to be happy, be. ~Leo Tolstoy
We own every situation we are in and should take full responsibility for it.
You cannot control all life events, but you can control how you feel. Believe that every problem has a solution. If you continue to get lost in your egoistic endeavors, you will remain in the constant cycle of loss and pain. Break this cycle of unrealistic hopes. If you feel emotionally down, don't look for answers now. Wait till your mind is clear of all the noise. For now, just be aware of the thoughts that come to your mind. Don't fight them. And don't glue yourself to them to continue crying for what happened.
Welcome every moment as the last you will have or the first you ever had.
There are many times I feel lost and doubt God's power. The meditation, the knowledge I get from reading books or meeting people, of what 'use' is it to me? But every time I have come to only one conclusion - and that is, as soon as you keep yourself separated from worldly 'norms' and 'pleasures' and 'the rat race', the fear of 'something bad' and your mind is in the 'Now', there is place for only peace and happiness. And that is the aim in life isn't it?
You ease into the worldly 'norms'. You experience the 'pleasure' of being alive. You win your 'rat race' because these are your own mind made. The 'something bad' you think will happen is ALL in your mind. So just relax your mind. Your present moment was your future in your past. Got it? So you have the choice how you want to live it or rather I should say, how you want your future to be.
Thursday, August 9, 2012
Don't give up
With practice, you come to realize that our life experiences relate directly to our psychological wellness, habitual consciousness and our understanding of the purpose of life. Practicing meditation takes you closer to your inner self and makes way to live life with the higher understanding and maturity.
However, many times we tend to go back to the old patterns of crying and wining and worrying i.e. shifting attention from 'now' to that unreal moments of 'what ifs' or 'whys'. Our lives and minds are trained to go back to the relentless circle of worry, regrets, chaos, sadness, fear. Being on the path of spiritual awakening can be a continuous struggle. But don't give up.
When the world says, ‘Give up,’ Hope whispers, ‘Try it one more time.’ ~ Unknown.
There are so many energy flows around us that can cause us to sway away to the 'easy mind trick' to go back to the comfortable and those familiar feelings of anxiety and helplessness. One of the things I have noticed to influence me is the health of the body. Hunger, thirst and lack of sleep seem to be obvious reasons but are easily ignored. Attend to the health of the body.
Negative influences and or people who always complain or never find time to talk about good things. If possible we could try and talk to them to help them know their true potential. But until you get to yours and if they are affecting your progress, better to avoid them.
Believe it or not but full moons and new moons can cause enough energy to make you loose 'your center'. Ever felt restless for no reason? Check the lunar calendar :)
And of course hormones! Do I say more?
Know that you can get back to your inner core as quickly as your next breath. Breath-in to connect to the Life Source and breath-out and relax all the thoughts that cross your mind. By nature, we are at peace. We are full of love. We have got a small shot at life (earthly life, don't know what is after). Live every now and breath every moment. Separate out the situations you are in, from your true nature. Whatever are those situations, be present.
If you know the situation that you are in will continue for some more time, will you wait to be happy after it changes? Then it may be your whole lifetime because you are trusting your mind to decide if you are happy; and mind keeps changing the definition of happiness with situations.
"The meaning of life is to find your gift, the purpose of life is to give it away."
~Joy J. Golliver
This post is mainly to say that Life's gift is right next to overcoming small barriers. Don't give up.
However, many times we tend to go back to the old patterns of crying and wining and worrying i.e. shifting attention from 'now' to that unreal moments of 'what ifs' or 'whys'. Our lives and minds are trained to go back to the relentless circle of worry, regrets, chaos, sadness, fear. Being on the path of spiritual awakening can be a continuous struggle. But don't give up.
When the world says, ‘Give up,’ Hope whispers, ‘Try it one more time.’ ~ Unknown.
There are so many energy flows around us that can cause us to sway away to the 'easy mind trick' to go back to the comfortable and those familiar feelings of anxiety and helplessness. One of the things I have noticed to influence me is the health of the body. Hunger, thirst and lack of sleep seem to be obvious reasons but are easily ignored. Attend to the health of the body.
Negative influences and or people who always complain or never find time to talk about good things. If possible we could try and talk to them to help them know their true potential. But until you get to yours and if they are affecting your progress, better to avoid them.
Believe it or not but full moons and new moons can cause enough energy to make you loose 'your center'. Ever felt restless for no reason? Check the lunar calendar :)
And of course hormones! Do I say more?
Know that you can get back to your inner core as quickly as your next breath. Breath-in to connect to the Life Source and breath-out and relax all the thoughts that cross your mind. By nature, we are at peace. We are full of love. We have got a small shot at life (earthly life, don't know what is after). Live every now and breath every moment. Separate out the situations you are in, from your true nature. Whatever are those situations, be present.
If you know the situation that you are in will continue for some more time, will you wait to be happy after it changes? Then it may be your whole lifetime because you are trusting your mind to decide if you are happy; and mind keeps changing the definition of happiness with situations.
"The meaning of life is to find your gift, the purpose of life is to give it away."
~Joy J. Golliver
This post is mainly to say that Life's gift is right next to overcoming small barriers. Don't give up.
Wednesday, August 8, 2012
Flying Utah to SFO
The best part of the whole trip was the flight back from Utah to SFO. Our flight was around 8:30 pm giving us perfect view of the canyons, valleys and the great salt lake. Here are pictures I took from my iPhone.
The view outside the window seemed all a dream, something I've never seen, not known and completely unreal. Magnificent, huge, marvelous!
"It is good to know our universe. What is new is only new to us." ~Pearl S. Buck
The view outside the window seemed all a dream, something I've never seen, not known and completely unreal. Magnificent, huge, marvelous!
"It is good to know our universe. What is new is only new to us." ~Pearl S. Buck
Get the flash player here: http://www.adobe.com/flashplayer
Tuesday, August 7, 2012
Short trip to Salt Lake City
"Learning the gentle art of going nowhere in particular and bumping into things can help spark your creativity-wherever it is you find yourself." Picked this line from Unleash your creativity (52 Brilliant Ideas).
Our short trip to Salt Lake City last weekend turned out to be this definition spelled out loud.
We had to use some of our air miles before they expired on July 31. We did not know what place to pick or what to plan. Somehow, with the fixed air miles in hand we randomly picked Salt Lake City, Utah.
Mind you, this place is many many miles away from the Zion National Park or the great Yellow Stone. We had two choices, either to drive out of Salt Lake City to visit the National Parks which meant we will be on the road for 2 out of 3 days or stay local and see what we can find. And we are glad we chose the later.
The small town of Salt Lake City is a beautiful, well planned city with gorgeous mountains surrounding it on one side. The Winter Olympics 2002 was hosted here and you can see that event has managed to make the city well organised with good public transport services. I can imagine what a sight it would be during the winters.
First day we walked out of the hotel to find the temperatures soaring to the high 95. Travelling from San Francisco, this could be killing. We wanted to get back to the room, but saw a big farmer's market/art festival in a park middle of the city. I am so glad, I convinced Navin to drop the idea of going to the same old restaurant joints but instead eat at the park. We enjoyed some yummy Indian chicken stuffed dosas and yummy Caribbean grill.
There were all kinds of things at the art fest. There were jewelry, wall hangings, glass artistry, paintings. I bought a cute apple coral necklace at the fair. When I bought it, the owner tells another lady, now this necklace has reached the right house. Spooky!? I don't know what she meant but I was surprised the way she was referring to the accessory as a pet.
The best part of the day was watching a group of college students performing a form of Martial Arts; called Capoeira; it is a Brazilian Martial art that is based on the rhythm of music and is more like a dance combined with physical moves. Here are 2 videos I managed to take (with the Caribbean food plate in one hand and Navin getting angry that I may spill the food; but I managed to do both; shoot as well as savor the food later).
The music was very captivating and addictive. I was humming the song all day long. It has this special strong energy that can lift and energize you.
The other attraction of the city is the beautiful Temple Square and the beautiful Assembly hall.
One of the days, we enjoyed some yummy momos and authentic Quanty Masala in a Nepali restaurant called Himalayan Kitchen. BTW, you'll be surprised if I tell you, going to this restaurant was the only agenda we had in our Itinerary. One of our friends who had been to Salt Lake City had mentioned the restaurant and of course other things to do; but we etched the dinner plan even before we started out from San Francisco.
Overall a short and sweet visit to a new unknown city with loads of memories.
Our short trip to Salt Lake City last weekend turned out to be this definition spelled out loud.
We had to use some of our air miles before they expired on July 31. We did not know what place to pick or what to plan. Somehow, with the fixed air miles in hand we randomly picked Salt Lake City, Utah.
Mind you, this place is many many miles away from the Zion National Park or the great Yellow Stone. We had two choices, either to drive out of Salt Lake City to visit the National Parks which meant we will be on the road for 2 out of 3 days or stay local and see what we can find. And we are glad we chose the later.
The small town of Salt Lake City is a beautiful, well planned city with gorgeous mountains surrounding it on one side. The Winter Olympics 2002 was hosted here and you can see that event has managed to make the city well organised with good public transport services. I can imagine what a sight it would be during the winters.
First day we walked out of the hotel to find the temperatures soaring to the high 95. Travelling from San Francisco, this could be killing. We wanted to get back to the room, but saw a big farmer's market/art festival in a park middle of the city. I am so glad, I convinced Navin to drop the idea of going to the same old restaurant joints but instead eat at the park. We enjoyed some yummy Indian chicken stuffed dosas and yummy Caribbean grill.
There were all kinds of things at the art fest. There were jewelry, wall hangings, glass artistry, paintings. I bought a cute apple coral necklace at the fair. When I bought it, the owner tells another lady, now this necklace has reached the right house. Spooky!? I don't know what she meant but I was surprised the way she was referring to the accessory as a pet.
The best part of the day was watching a group of college students performing a form of Martial Arts; called Capoeira; it is a Brazilian Martial art that is based on the rhythm of music and is more like a dance combined with physical moves. Here are 2 videos I managed to take (with the Caribbean food plate in one hand and Navin getting angry that I may spill the food; but I managed to do both; shoot as well as savor the food later).
The music was very captivating and addictive. I was humming the song all day long. It has this special strong energy that can lift and energize you.
The other attraction of the city is the beautiful Temple Square and the beautiful Assembly hall.
One of the days, we enjoyed some yummy momos and authentic Quanty Masala in a Nepali restaurant called Himalayan Kitchen. BTW, you'll be surprised if I tell you, going to this restaurant was the only agenda we had in our Itinerary. One of our friends who had been to Salt Lake City had mentioned the restaurant and of course other things to do; but we etched the dinner plan even before we started out from San Francisco.
Overall a short and sweet visit to a new unknown city with loads of memories.
Get the flash player here: http://www.adobe.com/flashplayer
Wednesday, August 1, 2012
Meditation - what to expect
Meditation is the ability to be in a state of awareness which is beyond place, whats going on around you, thoughts in your mind and beyond time. With practice, you have the ability to meditate anytime and any place. This meditative state is inherent to everyone of us. But gets lost somewhere amidst the train of thoughts approaching and leaving our mind.
The whole idea is to focus on one thing such that you stop the flow of thoughts and completely relax and get connected to the inner stillness. It could be looking at an object while concentrating on the breath. Somebody told me how cooking was meditative to her as it relaxed and calmed her mind. In the Art of Living Silent course, there was a meditation session that used physical pain to focus. For some people it is praying and chanting while for others it is cooking or exercising or going out for a walk. Everything is a theory, so if something works for you, go with it.
How do I meditate?
I usually start with Art of living short Kriya or the last breathing rounds. That way I am able to relax and become aware of the thoughts. I imagine 'me' as a being who is beyond the thoughts and just acknowledge any thought that comes to my mind. I can listen to the silence around me. Then I use one of this below techniques.
Become aware that you are in a room, which is part of the house, your parking lot, your city, all trees you saw during your walks in the parks, the mountains. You then slowly move your awareness of your being in the country, the other side of the earth, the relativity to sun, the moon, planets, solar system, galaxies and so on. As I do that, my mind becomes so quite that I feel I am part of the space in the universe.
All this sounds fiction. Isn't it? I am finding it funny as I type this but this is what I do and works for me. I picked this process (or like process) from Love yourself like your life depends on it, by Ravikant. There is a some special power you experience when you imagine yourself being part of the bigger part of this universe.
I keep my mind focused on my breath all the time.
Sometimes I try the other way round, where I imagine my whole body, the organs, blood, the cells, the particles in the cell and so on till I get to the electrons. That energy, the space between those particles. I feel part of that.
Do I get cut out from everything in this state?
Not at all. I don't know about others, but I don't. I can still hear if my phone rings. I can still hear if the water tap next to my room is opened. But I am relaxed to a point where I just want to continue breathing. I just want to continue observing the stillness, the quietness. The breath is so slow, like a baby.
How can I make use of meditation other than the time I actually sit to meditate?
Well, its the honey you have tasted. You have been in touch with the innermost core of yourself; which I have believed to be love.
As I breath in, I tell myself how much I love myself and think of the meditative state I know of. As I breath out, if there were any other thoughts I say 'OK'. I know I don't have to deal with them at that time. But I don't want to stop them either.
What is the Success Rate of this whole process?
There are times I sit for 1/2 hour and I feel I was in there for 5 minutes. Other times I sit for 5 minutes and I feel it is 1/2 hour.
The success depends on how much you work hard. No, no. You don't need to work hard to meditate; in fact it should be just the opposite; effortless. The effort is in getting yourself to spare some time of your day to meditate; those 10 minutes you want to invest on yourself. To leave the bed of laziness and sit on the floor of meditation.
It was challenging for me to make meditation as a everyday process. I still don't get time everyday. I had promised myself that I would make it regular and used to get very disappointed if I missed a schedule. But with practice, I am learning that we don't have to be over critical to ourselves. Just listen to the moment. Make sure you have a comfortable and quite place to meditate and the will to. If not, no point wasting time, you rather do something else.
The power of being in the moment of 'now' is magical. If I struggle and keep getting distracted, I simply observe the frustration and my reaction to that situation. And slowly I am learning that this process can be applied to everything in life. Every situation, emotion, interactions, likes, dislikes, communication and so on.
Key is to keep the light of life alive through love and being in the now. Through meditation or other ways. It could be thanking small things in life, awareness meditation where you focus on everything you do like while eating, taste the food, bite every piece of food. Be aware of every moment like walking, hugging someone, talking and so on. Observing the trees and birds when you go out for a walk. Watch a baby laugh or cry.
Nature gives us all the opportunities; we just need to be present.
The whole idea is to focus on one thing such that you stop the flow of thoughts and completely relax and get connected to the inner stillness. It could be looking at an object while concentrating on the breath. Somebody told me how cooking was meditative to her as it relaxed and calmed her mind. In the Art of Living Silent course, there was a meditation session that used physical pain to focus. For some people it is praying and chanting while for others it is cooking or exercising or going out for a walk. Everything is a theory, so if something works for you, go with it.
How do I meditate?
I usually start with Art of living short Kriya or the last breathing rounds. That way I am able to relax and become aware of the thoughts. I imagine 'me' as a being who is beyond the thoughts and just acknowledge any thought that comes to my mind. I can listen to the silence around me. Then I use one of this below techniques.
Become aware that you are in a room, which is part of the house, your parking lot, your city, all trees you saw during your walks in the parks, the mountains. You then slowly move your awareness of your being in the country, the other side of the earth, the relativity to sun, the moon, planets, solar system, galaxies and so on. As I do that, my mind becomes so quite that I feel I am part of the space in the universe.
All this sounds fiction. Isn't it? I am finding it funny as I type this but this is what I do and works for me. I picked this process (or like process) from Love yourself like your life depends on it, by Ravikant. There is a some special power you experience when you imagine yourself being part of the bigger part of this universe.
I keep my mind focused on my breath all the time.
Sometimes I try the other way round, where I imagine my whole body, the organs, blood, the cells, the particles in the cell and so on till I get to the electrons. That energy, the space between those particles. I feel part of that.
Do I get cut out from everything in this state?
Not at all. I don't know about others, but I don't. I can still hear if my phone rings. I can still hear if the water tap next to my room is opened. But I am relaxed to a point where I just want to continue breathing. I just want to continue observing the stillness, the quietness. The breath is so slow, like a baby.
How can I make use of meditation other than the time I actually sit to meditate?
Well, its the honey you have tasted. You have been in touch with the innermost core of yourself; which I have believed to be love.
As I breath in, I tell myself how much I love myself and think of the meditative state I know of. As I breath out, if there were any other thoughts I say 'OK'. I know I don't have to deal with them at that time. But I don't want to stop them either.
What is the Success Rate of this whole process?
There are times I sit for 1/2 hour and I feel I was in there for 5 minutes. Other times I sit for 5 minutes and I feel it is 1/2 hour.
The success depends on how much you work hard. No, no. You don't need to work hard to meditate; in fact it should be just the opposite; effortless. The effort is in getting yourself to spare some time of your day to meditate; those 10 minutes you want to invest on yourself. To leave the bed of laziness and sit on the floor of meditation.
It was challenging for me to make meditation as a everyday process. I still don't get time everyday. I had promised myself that I would make it regular and used to get very disappointed if I missed a schedule. But with practice, I am learning that we don't have to be over critical to ourselves. Just listen to the moment. Make sure you have a comfortable and quite place to meditate and the will to. If not, no point wasting time, you rather do something else.
The power of being in the moment of 'now' is magical. If I struggle and keep getting distracted, I simply observe the frustration and my reaction to that situation. And slowly I am learning that this process can be applied to everything in life. Every situation, emotion, interactions, likes, dislikes, communication and so on.
Key is to keep the light of life alive through love and being in the now. Through meditation or other ways. It could be thanking small things in life, awareness meditation where you focus on everything you do like while eating, taste the food, bite every piece of food. Be aware of every moment like walking, hugging someone, talking and so on. Observing the trees and birds when you go out for a walk. Watch a baby laugh or cry.
Nature gives us all the opportunities; we just need to be present.
Saturday, July 28, 2012
Men's Cycling Race - Olympics 2012
We are in Salt Lake City and guess what we spend the morning doing? Well, watched the Mens Cycling Road Race (Olympics, London). Well, I would never have spent time watching these races if I was in home in SF. I would have been busy watching DID Iil Masters!
But I was so luckty to catch the glimpse of this 39 year old win the gold.
While Navin is in line to get the car rental, I got time for internet!! And could look up the statistics for VINOKUROV Alexandr Race from Rank 61 to 1!!! It was time well spent experiencing the moment and feeling happy for him.
But I was so luckty to catch the glimpse of this 39 year old win the gold.
While Navin is in line to get the car rental, I got time for internet!! And could look up the statistics for VINOKUROV Alexandr Race from Rank 61 to 1!!! It was time well spent experiencing the moment and feeling happy for him.
Source - london2012.com
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