30 Day Drawing Challenge - Day 15 - Family

Marriage Anniversary

In life only thing worth holding on to is each other. We complete 5 years of our marriage - and what a journey it has been!
So many things have changed, so many new things have evolved. Lots of happy moments, many more fights and arguments, new learning, unlearning.
We have felt the world move by, while we stood holding each other's hands.

I pray to God this story continues. 

Back from India

 I have been thinking to write this post ever since I came back from India. Few weeks back I had written something like 'I wish I never came back, how I miss home, I want to go back'. But today I don't miss home as much, nor do I feel like going back.
I wonder what is this that the mind keeps looking for. It wanders through places, people, events and attaches itself to them along the way. Wonder when it would settle. When it would be at ease. When it would just be.
I am uploading some pictures from the India trip. Looking at these pictures, I am thinking - 'I wish I never came back, how I miss home, I want to go back'. The cycle will continue.

 

Mothers are the best

She said 'Yes, I want to come and see you.'

I was recovering and doing well. Days were passing by and I was slowly feeling the loss of the baby getting lighter and fading behind us. My Mom was in India at that time. She was trying desperately to get the US visit visa so that she could come and stay with us for sometime but that was taking it's own time.

I had however made up my mind that even if she does get the visa, I will ask her not to visit me now. Winter was approaching and for someone who lives in Goa, even the California's lower 50's can be unbearable. And also there was nothing to do now. The dream of having Mom around when I had my tummy big enough not to see my feet was over.
I think I had just decided that I was over all this!

But Mom was feeling very restless and helpless. More than anything she was feeling that Navin and I had to go through all this alone and we had no support. She was very worried.

So as soon as she got her passport from the embassy, she called me. You should have heard her voice. So relieved! I tried to convince her that her travelling was not necessary. She could come in Summer. She could even do some sight seeing I said.

But she was too determined. She wanted to see me now. Be with me for sometime. To just hold my hand. To give us a big hug.

Ah Mothers! They are the best isn't it?
Wasn't this the exact feeling I had for my unborn child? He was not even born for me to feel so connected. How could I not know how Mothers feel.

Even if kids don't feel the same way for their parents, they will continue to love you forever.

Ruby

We had a small pup we called Ruby. She was a brown fur ball jumping around, always full of energy. I don't remember what happened of her. We had to give her away.

My mom hated dogs, there was no way we could get a dog. But when my sister got the cute Ruby home, her heart melted and Mom agreed to let her stay. Well, the real reason to let her stay was my sister who cried so aloud and put a big drama that mom had no other choice but to keep Ruby. Condition to keep Ruby however was that my sis and I should take care of her.

But soon the small cute pup grew into a little naughty monster. Neither my sis nor I took proper care of her. Walking Ruby became a chore no one wanted to own. Soon we realised that keeping a dog is not an easy task. My mom did not have the time nor the patience to look after another kid. Soon Ruby had to leave our house and was taken away... I still don't know where my Dad took her. For many years I was too scared to ask about her fearing that she was dead.

Few days back I met Schatzie at the Diwali party. She was so calm, obedient and so much like a grown up. Just the opposite of our Ruby. Here are some pictures of Schatzie and me. Doesn't she look adoerable?

Navin is no different than Mom. He hates dogs, more than that he is scared of dogs. I don't know if I will have one as a pet but I really want to.

Happy Birthday Didi...

Today is my sis's birthday... for more than 20 years we celebrated our birthdays together. Our birthdays fall one week apart. Mom and Dad always hosted a birthday party for all our cousins, neighbors and friends one a weekend that fell between the two dates! every year! until I think we started going to higher secondary when it felt a bit awkward... and we wanted to spend time with our own friends... and we did not want birthdays at home lol!
Since Purwa's bday was after mine, most of the times the celebrations were close to her birth date and at times right on her bday! I hated that... but what the heck... we both got gifts on the day :) BTW, (a small secret) we also used to wear ditto pattern dresses! You can see that in the pic below as well!

Wish you a very happy birthday and happy life sista!

Another small secret... after a little while... i stopped calling her 'Didi' :P felt awkward somehow (I am now a big gal feeling I guess)... but I never called her by name either lol! (Indian sentiments for elders I guess)

With love....

Why did God have to take you away from us like this? My heart aches to realize that I will not be able to listen to your voice, to see you again. But I feel your presence, your strong and graceful spirit. I just know you will always be around looking at us and taking care of us.
I think of you everyday... how I wish I could say my final good bye. I wonder what the moment would have been when you knew you have to go.

Who knew when you packed your bags to go to the hospital that day, you would never come back. Next time I ring the door bells, I will never get to see your warm smile. Everything is just the same but only you not home.

You will not read this... But I want you to know how proud I am of you. You have been a fighter till the very end. Your attractive and loving personality will always be in every body's hearts. I feel lucky that our paths crossed and I got a chance to make you part of my life. Never in our past meetings or conversations you made me aware of the tough times you and your close relatives have been through. I wish we had got more time together to share your past too.

Who can disagree... Cancer is life changing...

Rest in peace Seema Aunty.

Until me meet again in the other world... Goodbye... still learning to live knowing you not with us!

I Miss You a lot

Love you Seema Aunty! Missing you...

Old Age

I tried hard not to think about her. But the moments when we met keeps wandering back…

During my last visit to Goa, I visited one of my distant relatives. She is now old, has faded memory and is hard of hearing. I wanted to meet her before I leave Goa in this visit, not knowing when I would be back again and get time for the visit.

‘Kakibai’ I called her. I knew she did not hear me (I knew of her hearing problem) and was concerned how I was going to communicate when we meet. She turned to me with an inquiring look. Her eyes I could make out was fading too. ‘Shreya go?’ (Is it Shreya?). I was seeing her after may be more than 3 years. She had always been old as far as I remember her.
She looked at me and gave a relieved look. She said ‘How long have you been away?’ I said 2 yrs; I told as loudly I could. ‘2 years? It seemed so long. Now that you have come, don’t go.’

For the time I was there, I must have just spoken only these couple of words. All the while I simply looked at her in amazement.

There was Kakibai, one of my favorite Grannies, though she is not closely related to me, I liked to spend time with her whenever she visited us or whenever we met. She was always the caring, loving granny who told interesting stories to grandchildren.
But now, she looked old and weary. She could barely hear or see. I wondered what must be going on in her mind all day. Cooking, looking after herself, sleeping and occasional talking to someone may be who had the patience to talk loud and hear her say the same things over and over again.
Does she worry about the change in weather? Does she long for people to visit her? Does she simply sit back and remember the good old days when she was able to do all things easily?
What do people want in life when you are that age I wondered. Are they satisfied with the time they spent, time spent mostly looking after kids and praying for their well being?
What would we want when we are of Kakibai’s age? Will we be looking forward to anything at all? We may not be able to watch and enjoy television like the way we do now, or read books, or visit places. How would it feel to be dependent on other people? Value of money or gold or diamonds would make no sense whatsoever. Would we still want our favorite political party to win elections? Would we worry if the economy went up or down?

Or would we get fed up of the situation and pray to God that we die now?

I don’t know when I will meet Kakibai again. Before leaving I hugged her and touched her face. She could not control her tears roll down her wrinkled face. Was she sad to say good bye again wondering would it be another 2 yrs until we meet again? I don’t know, but I felt sad to say good bye too.

Ray of Hope

It is almost end of 2009. Last year was very painful for Navin and me, especially when we had to stay miles apart because of work. At that time, we made a promise to ourselves that come what may – we will stay together. Work is not so important that we have to sacrifice our time for family (and when work brings no reward, that’s the last thing you decide will come between you and your loved ones).

Around same time last year, we were sailing in the same boat. Though I think we are in much better position right now; by position I refer to mental J, but we cannot deny the fact that the situation is still the same.

 

Are we complaining? No. – We know there is no point. He are trying hard to change things in our favor. But sometimes things are just not in control.
Are we sad? No. – What is there to be sad about. We miss each other but thankfully we both are occupied with other things that we find very less time to feel sorry for ourselves.
Could this situation be avoided? No. And Yes. – But we made a decision and we need to stick to it. In life we will make N decisions and not all may end up in favorable situations. When you don’t have choice, don’t complain and have hope.
Are we ready to fall in the same pit again? No. – We learn from experiences. Every pit is different – because even though the situation is the same, you have the strength and endurance the second time round.

Some of the positives of being in a shitty situation –
1. You tend to look for good things, you value the good times
2. There are many times you end up being outside your comfort zone; if you never fall in such situations, you will never really know if you are capable to face them
3. You make many friends – gives you the time and the need to depend on others more than you think you though you did – and most often you get help in return for every favor you ask; You learn to trust others;
4. Trust and faith in God shoots up – Every situation, every problem has a solution. If not immediate, somewhere down the line you come out of the mess. More and more mess only makes you realize this.
5. Learning Curve – Yes; you should see a big hike there. If there isn’t, you are only making yourself weak for the next  problem J (You cannot run away from problems)

That’s that for now. Got to run to the FC!

Super Mom!

Its about time I write about my Mom. And I know if I start, I would need to dedicate an entire blog for her. And sooner or later I think I may even end up doing that. Until then, here is a recent anecdote.

My Mom has definitely been a very influential person; not only to me but many more people I can imagine. She is involved into social activities, loves to help others, always... and I mean it always has a positive attitude, is a great cook, is very enthusiastic and full of energy, very loving, and loved by everyone, straightforward, strong, very strong woman. I can go on listing tons of adjectives and will still fall short. She specially loves being with people. In all the get to gathers you will always see her talking to everyone, sharing stories, smiling, laughing and having a good time; also making sure others are having a good time. That is important too and that is why I think she is the best. You will be fond of her as soon as you meet her I am sure. Everybody does. See... I start talking about her and cannot stop praising.

But anyways, that is not something I want to write about today. Today's blog is about the new side of Mom I saw recently.

Last month Mom and Dad had been to a 15 day tour to the eastern countries covering Malaysia, Hong Kong, Bangkok, Singapore, Thailand. My Mom in law also accompanied. This was the first time she was travelling outside of India. She was very excited. In fact my Mom, the over energised person that she is, made sure Mom in law has the best time ever. I am happy that they had each others company though. You will always see my Mom in law in a Saree and wearing a Chudidar may be a 'young' people's style for her. But during this tour, Mummy encouraged her to try new attire and she ended up stitching new clothes for herself. And I am so glad she did, mom in law looked at least 10 years younger in the chudidars. You could simply make out she was having great time. A good change for her. We owe it to Mummy; thanks Mom for taking good care of Mom in law.

It was Mom in law's birthday when they were on the tour. Mom organized a small celebration for her too. Here's a picture of both of them.
Their trip sounded so much fun, the way they tell their stories from the trip. They were a group of 15-20 people from different parts of India. My Mom must have made friends with all of them I am sure. They went sight seeing, visited the different temples of Bangkok, the markets of Hong Kong, water parks, bird sanctuary, went shopping, went for rides and much more.

But the most exciting and the reason of writing this post was the para sailing ride! All my life I have NEVER ever seen Mom even jog or run or try any strenuous activity. An Adventure sport? And my Mom? You must be kidding. Excitement to her (I thought) was cooking, meeting people, helping around and that was about it. Now, you have to understand the kind of lifestyle we have back in Goa. You cannot imagine a 60 year old, middle class hindu woman, mother of kids who are wedded off going bicycling say, or going swimming, or whatever! I am just trying to put across the fact that it is a BIG thing for someone from Mom's generation from my town to take up something like para sailing.

But once they returned from their tour, she told me this. WHAT? Mom and para sailing? I could never imagine her taking up any adventure sport EVER. And now she tells me she did para sailing, water park rides, etc. I need proof I told her :)

I had been since then waiting to see the pictures of her in the sky, hanging in that parachute with expressions dumbstruck! Today I got to see the pics finally. I am posting them here to share with the world.

I find the second picture a little funny; mom seems like a spider man ready to take off :P he he!

The expressions here are awesome too :)

I am proud of you Mom. Everyday I learn something new from you. You are a great combo of life, energy and zeal. My hero... Love ya!

My Favorite Babies!

Sparsh and Rudra are the cutest babies I know. Wanted to share some of their pictures I had clicked whenever I happened to meet them. Rudu lives right across my house; so I have loads of her pictures.

Both are growing so fast! I remember seeing them within days of their birth and they were so tiny. Having known their mommies Aarti (Sparshu's mom) and Bindiya (Rudu's mom) even before the little ones were born, makes them all the more special to me.

To see more of Sparshu and Rudu click here. Also check out these videos listed on YouTube.

Rudu's video 1, video 2, video 3, video 4, video 5, video 6, video 7, video 8, video 9

Sparshu's video 1, video 2, video 3, video 4

(I hate my voice in all the videos :P)