Mind, Thoughts and Us

Our mind is constantly feeding us with thoughts. Thoughts of our past, or our future, sometimes just self made-up memories. Mostly the feeling associated with them are that of fear or apprehension/worry of future events or grief, loss, despair of past memories. Why does this happen? Can we control this? Do they affect our lives in any way?

I have been doing my personal search and learning of consciousness mainly through meditation and reading and following posts from people who I believe have a common purpose. I feel my desire to learn or explore the 'truth' as they say in spirituality, leads me to useful sources. Sources, those at the moment, help to answer my questions. I don't know what is right and what is not. But I trust intuition and my gut feeling that leads me to a satisfying place at the time.

As I was reading the book Nine Lives: In Search of the Sacred in Modern India, I was amazed by the varied belief system and thought process of people who they believe are so close to God. What is God to them? Why do I not see those Gods that they do? Are they happy in life because of their faith or because of something else? Then they are sad too, so why are they sad?

I am learning that we are responsible for our own experiences whether good or bad. When things go wrong, we like to find someone to blame it on, and God seems an easy way. But why would God want us pain or suffering. Because we may have done something bad so this is our punishment or old bad karma? But who decides good or bad? Then we plan on bribing God or make him happy using drills we have known from childhood. These explanations does not make sense to me. So I keep looking for answers.

When I am meditating, I can get to a state where a thought about anything becomes painfully energy draining and so it feels great to be void of any. Where does my grudge or my reasons to feel bad for myself, or the bad memories go at that time? Same, when say I am enjoying an evening with my friends? Or I am reading a book of my interest. So, it means that I am no longer in pain for any reason at those times. Mostly, these 'bad' feelings come in when I am idle and have no better things to do. But knowing that I can be in a state of no thought and so of no pain is revolutionary. It means that with focus, and that is with intention I can choose to have no thoughts. But how can we be with no thoughts all the time? But at least it clarifies one thing, and the most important thing. And that is pain or unhappiness is linked to my thoughts. Of course, it also means, happiness is linked to my thoughts. Basically, feelings and emotions are. So this means that happiness or sadness are my choosing. 

I came across Abraham Ester Hicks videos where super beings talk to Ester Hicks. They talk about being in the vibrational vortex and the universal law of attraction. The theory is that, we are all vibrations, including our thoughts. Whatever we desire, the universe is waiting to give it to us. There are no exceptions. We however need to be in our vibrational vortex to receive what is given. Basically, it is the feeling-good space.
I read her book called 'Ask and it is Given'. In her book there are many techniques explaining how the law of attraction can be used to fulfill your desires.

Our subconscious makes up 85% or our total mind power. Very little as 15% is conscious. What does this mean? Say we pick a glass of water. The focus to pick the glass is conscious. But which muscle to contract and how to move fingers is subconscious. Our subconscious is continuously learning from our tiny conscious and is controlling our life so to say. What I felt going through the book was that the techniques were mainly how to be conscious and deliberate in choosing thoughts which thus affect the subconscious. Most of the time, just thinking about what you want does not work effectively. You need to communicate this to the subconscious in a way that it understands and remembers.

I try to be conscious and aware of what I am thinking throughout the day. But many times thoughts involuntarily bring feeling of pain, jealousy and fear. As soon as I realize I am doing that, I think of something else. It is a continuous deliberate process. There are however times when I am engulfed with a low vibration feeling, say of jealousy. I feel angry and frustrated. I realize that, but I just cannot change the thought to something else. During those times, I just surrender and acknowledge the thoughts. That's the best I can do at that very moment. I keep assuring myself that this is just a thought. Once the intensity of it goes down, I switch to a happy thought. 

Our Beliefs make up our Reality

'Nine Lives: In Search of the Sacred in Modern India' - By William Dalyrmple. I read this book couple of weeks back. It is a wonderful travelogue where the author has presented 9 different stories of 9 ordinary Indian people who follow separate religious beliefs. I was immediately engaged in the stories of the people because of the writing style, giving adequate attention to mundane things in their daily lives as well as the sacred rituals and traditions.

The book for me was more than learning about the different cultures.
Why do people follow certain traditions? What is their definition of God? Did the God they hold so dearly protect them from all evil?
One thing was clear from all the stories. The cause or the reason why a person ended up following a God or the sacred tradition was more than just something that got passed on from generation to generation. Most of the stories in the book were of people who chose to become a Theyyam dancer, or a tantric, or a sufi singer or a monk.
For people of lower castes and those lower in socio economic ladder, the tradition of dancing or giving blessing as if they 'become' God is a source of food and some extra money. It is also a source to gain respect from other portions of the society who otherwise would not even look at them in their real life.

There is some kind of conflict between the day to day lives of the people and the special days or nights when they were in their avatars. Or there was a conflict in what they believed as part of the faith and what they really felt inside.

The Theyyam dancer for example digs well for rich people in town who would not allow them to touch the water of the same wells after they are complete. The Tibetan Monk who follow teachings of non-violence and love, have to pick up swords and guns to fight the Chinese army. The deva-daasis are bitten by the deadly disease of aids from people who come to them to wash away their sins. The Jain Nun is looking forward to moksha, a form of suicide which would unite her to a friend who died at an young age.

So what is real? The pain of the Nun or her belief that she will meet her friend after death? The well digger's belief that he is God for few months of the year?
I think it doesn't matter to us, as an audience. Our belief system becomes or reality. For the Sufi singer, or the tantrics, the beliefs they hold is their reality.

And as for us, it goes along the same line. It bothers me to see how my family and relatives follow traditions and religious beliefs which most don't know the meaning of or the importance of. But again, it doesn't matter. For people who do those acts, they make that their reality.

Conversations with God - Book

I picked this book - 'Conversations with God' by Neale Donald Walsch from the library. This is the second time I picked it up. The first time round I could not read beyond couple of pages. A friend had suggested this book to me, and at that time it seemed artificial and something I could not comprehend.
This time I was looking for answers. More than answers to specific questions, I was looking to explore and understand this explanation of Life and  God.

The language used in the book is very casual - not something we imagine God can talk to us.

Below are some lines from the book, which I had noted down. 

The deepest secret is that life is not a process of discovery, but a process of creation. You are not discovering yourself, but creating yourself anew. (Thoughts, word, action - that's how).

There is only one purpose for all of life, and that is for you and all that lives to experience fullest glory. The soul knows all there is to know all the time. Yet knowing is not enough. The soul seeks to experience.

Judge not, then, the karmic path walked by another. Envy not success, nor pity failure, for you know not what is success and failure in the soul's reckoning.And know that what you do in the tune of your greatest trial can be your greatest triumph. For the experience you create is a statement of who you are and who you want to be.
You life is always a result of your thoughts about it - including your obviously creative thought that you seldom get what you choose. Your life proceeds out of your intentions for it.


In the largest sense, all the "bad" things that happen are of your choosing. The mistake is not in choosing them, but in calling them bad. For in calling them bad, you call your self bad, since you created them. This label you cannot accept, so rather than label self bad, you disown your own creations.You cannot change the outer event (for that has been created by the lot of you, and you are not grown enough in your consciousness to alter individually that which has been created collectively), so you must change the inner experience. Nothing is painful in and of itself. Pain is a result of wrong thought. It is an error in thinking.
Pain results from a judgement you have made about a thing. Remove the judgement and the pain disappears.

Affirmations do not work if they are merely statements of what you want to be true. Affirmations work only when they are statements of something you already know to be true.
If, now, there is something you choose to experience in your life, do not "want" it- choose it.

The actions of the body were meant to be reflections of a state of being, not attempts to attain a state of being.
In true order of things one does not do things in order to be happy - one is happy and hence does things. One does not do things in order to be compassionate, one is compassionate and, hence, acts in a certain way. The soul's decision precedes the body's action in a highly conscious person. Only an unconscious person attempts to produce a state of the soul through something the body is doing.

Your life work is a statement of who you are. If it is not, then why are you doing it?
Do you imagine that you have to? You don't have to do anything.

If "Man who supports his family at all cost, even his own happiness" is who you are then love your work, because it is facilitating your creation of a living statement of Self.
If " woman who works at a job she hates in order to meet responsibilities as she sees them" is who you are then love love love your job for it totally supports your self image, your self concept.
Everyone can love everything the moment they understand what they are doing, and why.
No one does anything he doesn't want to do.

Illusion v/s Real World

Meditation, Kriya, breathing techniques, reading or watching related content are becoming more regular for me. I may skip a day or few, but I wait to get back to the routine as soon as I can. While I sit there with eyes closed and breathing slowly, I feel great. A feeling of being one with Life Force.
Some of the things that I got to experience is a feeling of love, abundance and appreciation. I feel energized, want to go exercise, meet people, find and make time to do things I love. The focus is on positive things. I wish this 'magic state' continued. But it never stays forever. 

There are times when I feel devastated.  My mind chatters so much I cannot sleep. I get angry or go into depression. There are even times when I get into fights or arguments just after being back from a meditation session. I wonder what goes wrong. I imagine one should go into deep calmness and be able to be centered in undesirable situations. Isn't that what spirituality should do to you? So, in the real world, where you get challenged and where it is your chance to show or test your serenity, why do you fail?

Am I wasting my time? But my inner voice says otherwise. I even decide to quit all the practice and the craze. And I do. I have done it many times. But something keeps pulling me back. I think it is the familiar and the secure place that feels like home. The prayer that gives strength and positive energy.

One important learning that I have come to know is that life will always have ups and downs. With your free will you can influence life events to some extent. But you cannot control them. But with certain techniques, realizations and knowledge you can learn to live through them.

I am reading a book called 'Positive Energy' by Judith Orloff. In this book she describes practices and tools to increase energy and find inner peace. She says do everything to find your intuition and follow your inner voice. From that center point, find the rhythm of your life. Once you synchronize with it, positive energy will grow.
I would definitely recommend this book. It affirms my interest and trust on meditation, love and spiritual practices.

I also came across this video which I like and think is pretty direct and clear in explaining the two aspects of life.

Why go through this process?

It has been such a long time I wrote something about myself here. What has been going on in my life after the secrets being revealed and meditation becoming the most important task in my daily routine?

One thing I have come to realize is that, it is not easy. It is not easy to stay on a daily routine. It takes a lot of effort to stay positive and 'on path' to spiritual awakening. Not surprising, that not everyone takes to the path of meditation or yoga.

I believe, I have shifted my energy in a more positive direction in the last 2 months or so. But I still at times feel anxious, despaired of life and struggle to find answers to my troubled mind. I even question the presence of God. Most of the time, it happens when I want to give up. Mind and body cannot keep pace with the changes in conscious. 

God! One day I said to myself, is only my imagination. Well, I say this in my times of despair. I meditate, I pray and I keep Him alive in my thoughts. My actions become a service to the most powerful. But it takes lot of courage and strength to do that. Of what good is it to me as I sit here meditating and being one with the space around me? Quietening my mind which is the toughest of all and seeking strength from the source?
I look around and see all the people around me, happy and celebrating. Even if they don't bend their knees in prayers, they seem to be doing pretty good. Enjoying and full filled.
Then why do I need to go through the grind?

Every time the answer to this question for me has been - because there is something bigger than you waiting to be known. There is an energy to be part of which you've not experienced. There are hearts to touch and love to give. You are living this life for a purpose and need to find that out. There will be ups and downs in life. To live is not to chase those fulfilling moments and dodge the lows. Those will happen no matter how hard you try or don't.
I've lived for 30+ years and nearing half the average life expectancy of human life. If I live 30 more, what do I want to do in those years? Just knowing that there is a bigger purpose in life, takes me back to the grind. Actually, I think its the other way round. Going back to the grind makes me realize that there is more to life than what I know.

Cross Stitch - Casio Key Board Cover

I have been away from blogging for a while. Besides other things, I have been working on making a cover for our Casio key board. I had a cross stitch matty cloth with me and other stuff like cross stitch floss and needle. After my school home science project to cross stitch a small table cloth, this is my next cross stitch project. And boy, am I not proud of the result!

In school, my motivation was points and grades. But this time it was something else. I have a liking to cross stitch, I won't deny that but unfortunately it has only been restricted to school assignments. It has been 20 years since the time I took up something on stitching!
I always thought that I should take up some stitching project. But never made time. It took me 20 years to finally pick up something I liked and work on it!

Our Casio was getting dusty and I was always complaining about it. But this time, the moment I complained, I knew I could do only two things. Continue complaining or dust it and get back to what I thought I wanted to do from a long time. I am glad, I decided the later.

Here's a picture of the final version. Took me 2 weeks, a trip to the library for a cross stitch design book, digging old suitcases for the all the material, and of course a 'decision' to work on this Casio cover to get to this.
I picked the pattern from - treasury of cross stitch samplers by Sharon Perna

30 Day Drawing Challenge - Day 26 - Something you don't like

Hola! Time to go back to something I started out doing :-) Day 26 of the drawing challenge. Had almost lost the link to the pinterest link. Hope I don't need to keep looking it for long. I want to get to my congrats finish banner of day 30 soon.

Today's topic is 'Something you don't like'. Well, I sat down to draw a day before and I could not decide. What do I not like. At that time, only thing on my mind was how my close friends and family were making strong desires in the name of better future and losing out on the today we could make beautiful. I was feeling bad I could not make any difference. I could not explain to them how to let go and in turn was getting disappointed. I thought it was too complicated thought and since now putting attention to simplicity was my new mantra, I instead went to bed.

But the following day, I had a meeting with my manager. It was too noisy at my desk, so we went into a conference room so that there was no disturbance. It was a serious discussion for me, as it was of more value to me than the other person. And regardless of the purpose of discussion, I do demand undivided attention. But he was getting late and needed to co-ordinate with his car pool folks. Just imagine this moment. I am talking, and he texts and starts making calls. I say, 'we can talk tomorrow, if you need to leave'. And he says, 'no, I am listening, you keep talking'. Really?

This is very annoying. I have seen this happen at lot of places. Even I do that, many times in fact. And I also know that, I tend to do this when I give more importance to the phone call than the conversation with the person with me.

This drawing is a lesson to all of us, that we need to make proper judgement on when we make/take calls, send texts, check FB on phone etc. Also, that we need to respect the company that we are in. The use of cell phone has brought a lot of convenience in our life but has also made us insensitive to the 'human' interaction. Something to ponder.